Like everybody else, I have been at home a lot for an extended period. Perhaps some of you are spending time with a few members of your family. But as for me, I have to deal with the situation all by myself. Don’t get it wrong. I live alone because I work far from my family. I lived and stayed in another country for almost five years, so that explains why I am dealing with this situation single-handedly.
Due to this negative news that I see and hear every day, I wonder. How much safety will this self-isolation provide me? What about my mental health? Why does it feels like social distancing is a form of torment that I follow without hesitation? Honestly, I may not have the answers to these questions, but one thing I know is sure. I am alone, and I can’t stop thinking about how depressing my situation is right now. I don’t want to sound so negative, but it is pretty hard to manage things at this point in my life. Not that I didn’t try every means out there that supposedly help me get through this condition because I did. Unfortunately, not a single one of them works.
The Mental Struggle I Dealt With
I tried exercising since I know it can help in maintaining active brain waves while enhancing the body’s immune system. But after a couple of times doing at least 5 to 10 minutes of physical activity, my mind tells me I’m exhausted already. I also tried meditation. I understood the importance of a calm mind and body; that is why I did my best not to think about anything bad or worse in this situation. However, I failed to concentrate because the worries and fear I have for my family, considering they are far from me, is more significant than any of my attempt for mental calmness. I also diverted my thoughts by reading books. But after reading a few pages and a moment of pause, I began having negative thoughts all over again. It is as if these bad thoughts are only trying to wait for an opportunity to pop up in my head.
Dealing with this situation alone is not everyone can understand. No one can tell me to do this or that. I tried not to think about these unhealthy thoughts. Admittedly, I know I am not weak because I managed to live my life away from my family for a lot of years. But this time, given this uncertain situation, my entire mental and emotional capability is fragile. To add damage to the situation, the stability I once had is now gone. I recognized that I am now at the point where my negative emotions are powerful than my will to survive in this global health crisis.
What I Want To Say
For those of you who do not understand my situation, I humbly ask that you stop assuming that depressed people like us can follow your guidelines just like that. Please note that we are more than willing to do our best for the sake of our mental and emotional health. But the idea of you continually telling us that what we are feeling is something you can easily handle, I might have to disagree. We all have different levels of sadness, and we experience things differently, as well. Therefore, you have no right to tell us what we should and shouldn’t feel at this time of crisis. I understand that some of you are only trying to help by encouraging us to feel even a little positivity. But trust us, we are genuinely trying.