Depression From Frustrations

[Supporting Your Husband Dealing With Frustration]


Depression can come from goals and dreams that did not become a reality. Many people may live the rest of their lives trying to chase the opportunities that they think will lead them to their goals, but sadly some opportunities knock only once.

“There seems to be a misunderstanding that depression is crying all of the time and not getting out of bed. However, increased irritability is a common symptom,” says Julie de Azevedo Hanks, Ph.D, LCSW.

Continue reading Depression From Frustrations

Understanding Post-Adoption Depression


Some couples cannot have a baby of their own. No matter how many years of trying, they still end up with just the hope of holding a little angel in their arms. So instead of prolonging the agony, some couples decide to go through the process of adoption. But like any other life-altering decision, there are many considerations and consequences that should be pondered upon before finally going through the process. Many couples ignore those things because of the excitement they are feeling. They believe that adoption could once and for all be the solution for their longing for a child. Continue reading Understanding Post-Adoption Depression

Saving A Sinking Ship: Reaching Out To A Depressed Partner



Paying attention to depressive disorder cues is vital in helping your partner go through the condition with proper diagnosis and treatment.


The Ripple Effect


When your partner is depressed, your marriage is also depressed because this illness reverberates and erodes the concept of sexual and emotional intimacy while suffusing a relationship with resentment, isolation, pessimism, and anger.

Dr. Susan Whitbourne, Ph.D., even said, “[P]eople who have major depressive disorder (the clinical form of depression) have higher levels of distress in relationships, feel that their marriages are less satisfactory, and become unusually upset when problems develop in their relationships. They are more likely to blame their partners when things go wrong, and they tend to shut down emotionally instead of reach out and connect.”

Even the most radiant, capable person can be sucked into depression’s forceful undertow of scenarios like:


  • Being overwhelmed by extra chores inside the house that your partner refuses to finish due to lethargy.
  • Being resentful due to your spouse’s behavior that he or she cannot just snap out of.
  • Taking the blame for somehow causing the illness.
  • Feeling alone for unwillingness to convey problems inside the house that are related to your partner’s condition.
  • Wondering whatever happened to a once joyful, humorous, and fun relationship.


Do not allow depression to seep in and destroy your marriage from inside out. If you think that your significant other is depressed, you have to act not only for the welfare of your spouse but also for your relationship. After all, you wouldn’t want to be just another statistic in the divorced archive.


Getting Your Partner And Your Life Back


Initially, the most important requirement to help a depressed better half is to know how to spot depression; therefore, one must pay enough attention in recognizing the following clues, according to Dr. Dina Cagliostro:

  • Persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, worthlessness, or emptiness

  • Irritability, frustration, or restlessness

  • Loss of interest in activities or hobbies that used to be enjoyable

  • Difficulty sleeping, sleep disturbances or sleeping too much

  • Fatigue and lack of energy

  • Difficulty thinking clearly, remembering, concentrating, or making decisions

  • Appetite or weight changes

  • Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide

  • Physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, or back pain.


  1. Be Perceptive Of Minor Behavioral Changes


Like a thief in the night, depression comes slowly and sometimes, imperceptibly. It will take time for couples to recognize a pattern and will take further time to accept that depression might be the main reason for minor behavioral changes. Sometimes, the depressed person is so in denial that all kinds of explanations are provided – it’s just a phase, it’s because of the economy, it’s because of the new baby.


With this kind of attitude towards the disorder, the spouse must initiate in diagnosing their partner’s condition because the illness hinders the depressing ones from realizing that there’s something profoundly wrong with their behavior. If you notice that there’s something awry about how your partner thinks, acts, or feels, suspect that your spouse might have depression. Furthermore, if your spouse has developed vices or habits like being workaholic, alcoholic, or has become a thrill-seeker, depression might be the culprit.


  1. Reach Out Before It’s Too Late




Waiting for a ship to sink before going out on a limb to help is a huge mistake because once you head on out to rescue, the person has sunk deep. This scenario is similar to helping a partner whom you think might have depression. Letting a person hit rock bottom before offering help is like allowing cancer to spread and then hoping that the malignancy will be cured.

Dr. Emmanuel Maidenberg, Ph.D., also said, “[I]f you become concerned about someone, talk to them about what you have noticed and see if they need support. It can be incredibly helpful to intervene before things get worse.”

Chronic depression is harder to treat, can severely affect the relationship, and is more likely to happen again.  But the terrifying risk of not reaching out before it’s too late is the possibility of your spouse resulting in suicide. Around 60% of those who attempted suicide either have minor or major depression or has a different mood disorder.


  1. Support Is Vital


When seeking help, see to it that you are there when the diagnosis is revealed. A lot of illnesses which includes diabetes, chronic pain, viral infections, and heart diseases can influence similar symptoms related to depression. For this reason, once the physician rules out various underlying causes and divulges the diagnosis, it is crucial that you are there to support and comfort your spouse. There will be times that depressed patients will be denying the result or will not be able to focus on the recommended treatments. During these moments, an ally is required.


Ask your spouse’s consent first. Not everyone is comfortable with the idea of having someone around even if it’s their significant other. Respect your spouse’s decision whether he or she wants you to be physically there when the evaluation is given.


Remember that the percentage of success is promising if depression is treated early on. The road is relatively quiet simple – counseling or therapy, antidepressants, or a combination of both. But don’t be discouraged if recovery is not yet discernable within the few months of treatment. The road to success in battling depression is long and winding and requires a lot of patience, time, and understanding.


Frequently Overlooked Indications That Depression Is Ruining Your Relationship



Marriage dissatisfaction and depression are said to be interlinked that their correlation also goes both ways. Meaning, depression can contribute to marriage dysfunction, or it could be the other way around.


Since the majority believes that a person’s well-being is dependent on the relationships they form – platonic or romantic – the difficulty to enjoy life ensues. Happiness can be occluded by the mere fact that when problems arise, especially along the sensitive subject of mental illness, many people are baffled about the reality that depression exists and is one of the reasons why relationships are going astray.


If you are one of many who takes your partner’s condition for granted, here are some pointers on the commonly overlooked indications that mental illness like depression is destroying your relationship one symptom at a time.


Disturbed Sleeping Pattern


Depression affects a person’s sleeping pattern – it can either be oversleeping or under-sleeping. For Dr. Wendy Troxel, Ph.D. and collaborators, there is a relationship between sleep and marriage. She elucidated, “given that the marital relationship is the primary social context for most adults and that most married adults sleep with their spouse, marriage may have important implications for sleep. Indeed, a substantial body of evidence suggests that marital status is associated with sleep outcomes, with the divorced typically having more sleep problems compared to their married or single counter-parts.” Put simply, depression This affects the relationship in a way that your significant other might be tossing and turning at night then gets drowsy in the morning that, instead of investing time in the relationship, your significant other will nap the time away. There is a fine line between laziness and depression, and you cannot solely disqualify a person’s mental condition thinking that sleeping all day is intentional.


Persistent Mood Swings


Mood swings that are mostly juggling from irritability to melancholia to anxiety have become a daily thing. Usually, these mood swings would present the following:


  • Withdrawn or disinterested
  • Uncommunicative
  • Needs continuous affirmation
  • Constantly worried about a lot of things
  • Abandonment fears with no specific reason




Due to these mood swings, your partner’s sex drive is also diminished to the point of being distrustful of your show of affection. Mood swings are also due to the toppling of energy leading to fatigue that causes a lack of motivation to engage in usual relationship activities like going on hikes, shopping, and completing home projects.

In a study by John Grohol, Psy.D., he said that “denying one has mood swings, especially if others bring it to your attention, isn’t going to make things any better. Getting help for them can.”

Unexplainable Annoyance Towards Circumstances Or People


It’s just not you who takes the blame, but your partner is always annoyed by the sight of other people or the realization of certain circumstances either inside or outside your home. This behavior presents unusual demeaning or being critical of the partner by magnifying even the smallest flaws. Immediate and unpredictable outbursts are also apparent due to anger or frustration over inconsequential occurrences. Therefore, if your significant other instantly becomes annoyed over the littlest things, it might not be your fault entirely.


Increased Alcohol Or Drug Consumption


Recreational drugs or alcohol are major relationship destroyers for they can significantly influence the way your partner treats you and talks to you. As Dr. Cory Crane, Ph.D. and co-authors, had found, “daily diary studies show that alcohol consumption increases the odds of perpetrating verbal and physical aggression later that day by both men and women.” If your partner becomes alcoholic or has been increasingly secretive about what’s inside his stash, suspicion of addiction or abuse should ensue. But you have to realize that drug usage and alcoholism are just symptoms for a lot of mental and physical disorders happening in this modern-day society; therefore, it is essential that you stay adamant in knowing what the real problem is behind the abuse.


If you or your partner can identify with two or more symptoms that are listed, most likely, depression is looming and is hurting your union. Although it may take a lot of self-determination and courage to recognize that your partner is experiencing mental instability, acknowledging the problem is beneficial in finding a solution in mending your relationship.


High-Functioning Depression: Five Signs To Watch Out For



Admit it, when someone utters the word “depression,” the first thing that comes to mind is someone who doesn’t have the energy and willingness to do things, even getting out of bed.


High-functioning depression is breaking that stereotype of what melancholia actually looks like. Just because you’re not experiencing bouts of sadness or are not listless to go to work, doesn’t mean that you don’t have depression. You do, but you’re just too familiar with your condition that you have managed to hold it together, making people believe that you’re doing just fine.

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. says that “People with high-functioning depression are able to use the skill of compartmentalization, where you suppress your own personal feelings for the moment and instead, attend to the needs or expectations of the present.”

Five Telltale Signs


Technically, high-functioning depression is chronic, untreated depression. Probably the most challenging facet of identifying high-functioning depression is people’s lack of understanding because high-functioning depressed people blend in so perfectly.


How do you know if you have high-functioning depression?


  1. You’re Often Anxious Or Worried


While it’s so easy to equate unexplained sadness and constant lack of energy to depression, people tend to overlook one common emotion that is strongly connected with the condition, and that is anxiety or constant worrying. It is essential to point out that anxiety is not just limited to the idea of fear of the unknown because it can manifest in several different ways as depression does. Anxiety, more often than not, causes people to experience confusion, mental disturbance and restlessness, and that nagging feeling in your gut.


  1. You Abstain From Social Gatherings




According to information published by the Harvard School of Public Health, high-functioning depression looks similar to a long-term, low-grade despondency that can persevere up to five years. And even though high-functioning depression does not make someone feel hopeless or devastated, it can severely dent that quality of living, diminishing your eagerness to work, go to school, attend social events, and curb your enthusiasm for family and relationships. “People with high-functioning depression still go to work and interact with people, but outside of work, they may stop hanging out with friends, and make excuses like ‘work’s been really stressful,’” says Dr. Jason Stamper.


Abstaining from social gatherings or declining invites is said to be one of the first prominent signs of high-functioning depression. People with the condition will still work, interact with co-workers and other people, but once they go outside of their workplaces, they’ll go on an excuse-spree to just avoid hanging out. Most individuals who have high-functioning depression are likely to be isolative that then translate into dissociative relationships.


  1. You Have Type A Personality And Is Successful


Affluent literates or those who are living the good, prosperous life are said to lean more towards high-functioning depression as compared to those who don’t have a high pay grade or living a luxurious lifestyle. Paradoxically, high-functioning depression affects educated people who have important jobs in their chosen field of interest. While they have the privilege of being well-educated and well-off, their careers become triggers for stress. It turns out, it’s better to be low-functioning if it means saving you from a lifetime of depression medications and therapy.


  1. Your Definition Of Sleep Is “Disturbed”


Just when you thought you could get that well-deserved slumber, you end up wide-eyed at 3 am, having an existential crisis, begging the heavens for a sweet reprieve. More so, you’ve noticed that when you’re at work, nodding off comes easily and light snoozing becomes a habit. But when that time of the day approaches when you really need the shut-eye, your system sends you a message: Error! Sleep not found. “Many people with depression also struggle with anxiety, which impacts quality of sleep as well, and the symptom of insomnia crosses over between the two,” says Rachel Dubrow.


It’s frustrating and debilitating to be sleep-deprived. Aside from not being refreshed the next day and to be a useful citizen of your community, having too little sleep can worsen your depressive symptoms.


  1. Vices And Addiction Are Comforting


If you’re the type of person who’d rather stay at home and indulge in activities like playing video games, binge-watching, or if you find yourself drinking alcoholic beverages more than usual, or worse, if you have attached yourself to recreational drugs, then you most likely have high-functioning depression. To cover up the loneliness, you turn to your vice or addiction as an emotional bolster.




The disconcerting thing about wallowing in addictive substances and behaviors is that it, instead of just treating depression itself, may require you an additional layer of treatment and care. Substance and alcohol abuse further aggravates your condition, intensifying sleep deprivation, anxiety, and agitation that can directly affect your ability to cope.


High-functioning depression may be the less prominent sister of depression, but it is what most people in this generation are experiencing, especially those who belong to the working class. Just because you think that people who have high-functioning depression are doing well doesn’t mean that they are not slowly dying inside. Therefore, once you notice that you might have high-functioning depression, the best thing to do is get help and support.



Closing The Chapter Of A Depressed Relationship


When does one know how to end a crumbling relationship that has reduced itself to a mental health condition?


Falling apart is never an easy occurrence in one’s life especially if you plan on leaving someone who is struggling with a psychological disorder that debilitates not only himself or herself but the relationship as well. The reality of leaving someone behind is downright painful but is sometimes necessary for your sake. Difficult choices must be made to move on and close another chapter of your life.


Making Tough Choices


Nobody wants to be blamed for abandoning somebody during times of despair, but this does not mean that you should remain in a relationship that has been strained by depression and has no conceivable future due to guilt or duty. “Unfortunately, it’s a waste of your energy when they’re deep in depression, and actually leads to disconnection and distance,” says Caitlin Cantor, LCSW, CST. “This way of attempting to help can easily lead to arguments because your partner is unable to agree or see your efforts as helpful.”

For the sake of your mental state, sometimes the best thing to do is to bid goodbye.


Before Stepping Out The Door


You have to make sure that before you permanently close this depressing chapter of your relationship, you did what you can to salvage your partner’s mental health. Otherwise, you would find yourself drowning in a state of self-doubt and guilt that may haunt you for the rest of your life.


What are the steps that you should take before ultimately calling it quits?


  1. Ask For Help




Aside from professional help, you also need people outside of your relationship to help you figure things out. Share your thoughts and concerns with family and friends who you trust and ask for support and advice on how to manage or deal with your situation. You have to realize that aside from your partner’s needs, yours are important, too.

“You’re living in a difficult, stressful situation,” notes Robert Taibbi, LCSW. “Therapy can help you not blame yourself, help you stop walking on eggshells, provide you with tools to help you stay grounded, and give you the support you need to manage the day-to-day.”


  1. Not Everything Is About You


Your partner is depressed for a multitude of reasons, which is why therapy is necessary to find out the reason behind the condition, pluck it out, and treat it. Regardless of what you might think, you are not the primary cause of your partner’s mental illness. People who are constantly on the brink of depression may do or say things that they don’t mean. Your partner’s psychological status causes him or her to become irrational, moody, and irritated.

Mark D. White, PhD, says that “partners will not feel truly involved in the relationship if they are not held responsible for their part in it, including both the things that go well and the things that go badly. Being relieved of responsibility and blame occasionally might feel good, but if a person is never held responsible for his or her actions, it becomes insulting and demeaning: it means that person is not being taken seriously.”


  1. Ponder On Practical Conclusions


Living with someone who has a depressive disorder and sustaining the relationship for the sake of proving to yourself, your partner, and to other people that you have survived and thrived despite the condition, is noble but impractical. Most of the time, what happens in real life is that as the mental illness progresses, the unaffected individual would also be helpless and hopeless that there will be some reprieve.


If you feel that hope and affection have gone out the window, it is practical for you to sever ties completely. However, walking away from a struggling relationship with a depressed partner is not as easy as it seems especially when you already tied the knot and children are involved. Pondering on practical conclusions like you and your children’s well-being is necessary. So weigh the pros and cons before separating.


  1. Commit To A Deadline


Though it is a harsh setup to impose a deadline on your partner suffering from depression, it can save you from further damage. Often, things would be unbearable not only for your partner but for you, which is why considering a deadline for change is essential. But this does not entirely mean that you should easily give up after a couple of weeks that your partner has decided to go on treatments. You must also assess if your partner is willing to take the necessary steps to get better or if he or she keeps on delaying treatment and giving out excuses. Only then should you consider your options for staying or leaving.


  1. Decisions Must Be Carefully Thought Of




Being hasty in making decisions is detrimental to the relationship that can still be salvaged by a compliant partner who tries his or her best in getting better. However, there will be moments of clarity wherein you can no longer deal with the person because he or she is dragging you down. If this happens, take a quick break by keeping distant for a while. Seek brief respite to arrive at a decision, and if you’ve finally come to your senses, permanently part ways.


When dealing with a depressed partner, always take time to carefully weigh your alternatives before drawing the line and heading out the door. Because the moment you decide that you want to end your relationship, it’s something that you have to live with for the entirety of your life.



Dating A Person Diagnosed With Clinical Depression

There are many challenges that you may need to face when it comes to the dating scene. You have to prepare yourself for many things, especially if you want to date a person exclusively. First of all, it is important that you have identified all your deal-breakers so that it will be easier on your part to know whether staying with a particular person is the right thing to do. Second, be sure that you have accepted all the great stuff and even the flaws of the person that you are dating. The key to the success of a relationship is constant understanding and acceptance.


Continue reading Dating A Person Diagnosed With Clinical Depression

Preventing Depression: It’s Possible


Does depression run in your family? Do you have a fear of developing depression? Can you prevent depression? These are some of the questions surrounding the development of depression.  What are the ways to lessen the chances of developing depression?

Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to pleasurable activities affecting the person’s thoughts, behavior, feelings, and emotions for at least two weeks. The question of prevention with regards to depression is still debatable. Some experts believe that it can’t be prevented while others are not sure. The risk factors for depression are usually non-modifiable elements such as genetics, a chemical in your brain and environment. Depression is always preceded by a significant life event or trauma. Example of which is a health problem of your one’s self or loved ones. Since one can’t do anything about uncontrollable factors, let us focus on areas where one can manipulate to his benefit in order to strengthen his coping skills and managing stress.




Mayo Clinic recommends regular exercise for the overall health of everyone. Research shows that exercise is beneficial in the treatment of depression through three mechanisms: increase of body temperature which then fosters a calming effect of the central nervous system, the release of chemicals such as endorphins also called as the happy hormone and lastly, reduction of immune system chemical which can worsen depression.

Jenny C. Yip, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist, said “Exercise also increases blood circulation in the brain, which is linked to improvements in mood and attention. Spending as little as 20 minutes a day on exercise can actually increase your overall productivity, and decrease energy wasted from mental stress.” In general, exercise can help in managing depression. It is best to exercise in a studio or sports team and to integrate exercise into your daily routine.

Decrease social media time

Studies revealed that the use of social media could contribute to the causation of depression and low self-esteem. Social media is addicting and is considered a necessity for communication with friends and family; however unproductive surfing in the social media platforms is not helpful for individuals with or without depression. Dr. Ethan Kross, Ph.D., a social psychologist, emphasized “On the surface, Facebook provides an invaluable resource for fulfilling the basic human need for social connection. But rather than enhance well-being, we found that Facebook use predicts the opposite result—it undermines it.”

Turn these idle times into something useful. In order to curb the addiction to social media, try using website-blocking extensions that only allow usage for a period and make a conscious decision to go on social media with a purpose.


Build strong relationships

Studies revealed that having a reliable support system and active social life can protect against depression. Try to connect with friends and family despite the hectic lifestyle regularly. Attend social events and try new hobbies.

Simplify daily choices

Psychologist Barry Schwartz book “The Paradox of Choice,” stated research that specifies having too many opportunities could result in depression. Every day, people are bombarded with options from meal choices to outfits to wear. The pressure of choosing the right option is said to be the culprit to more chances of developing depression.

Plenty of sleep


The quality of sleep is vital to mental and physical health. The National Sleep Foundation shares that individuals with insomnia have tenfold risk of developing depression in comparison to those who sleep well.

Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy

This therapy is a combination of cognitive therapy with mindfulness. It deconstructs the way you think and encourages a person to be mindful of what is going on in the present. The method’s goal is to help individuals with depression be aware of the negative thoughts and how to revise these. Saundra Jain, Psy.D., LPC noted that “Mindfulness meditation practices are effective interventions, and sometimes for mild to moderate conditions—depression and anxiety—super-effective as front lines.” She added, “think about mindfulness as a way to soften, dampen, or quiet that internal chatter.”

Why Caregivers Are Prone To Depression



In the society, the nurturers or the natural caregivers is not considered as a coveted job as compared to high paying jobs or technology savvy positions. It takes an inherent characteristic to put the welfare of others above one’s self unselfishly. Some caregivers have part-time jobs and at the same time spend the time to assist their loved ones.

Continue reading Why Caregivers Are Prone To Depression

Anti-Depressants And Weight Gain


Persons taking antidepressants often complain of weight gain. At least 25% reported that they had gained weight while on the medication and this somehow added more injury to the present situation. In cases like this, doctors would recommend a change in the prescription, consultation with a dietician, and to increase activity levels like doing exercise and another thing that can boost one’s metabolism.

Experts often state that losing weight is just eating less and shedding the calories by exercising however many individuals practice this simple formula but still no significant weight loss was seen, or they have reached a plateau where their exercise routine and eating fewer calories does not give the once useful results. In this article, we will explore on ways how to lose that extra weight.



Continue reading Anti-Depressants And Weight Gain