As a woman, I counted many life changing blessings when the year 2021 came. The biggest one happened in January when my company decided to double my salary and learn about counseling.
All my financial and emotional challenges went down the drain as soon as that happened, giving me the luxury to enjoy the fruit of my labor for the first time in the last seven years that I started working.
Come February, another blessing came in the form of my parents buying their dream farm. I chipped in a little to make it happen, but it was primarily because of how hard-working they were. They moved to the farm at once and chose to look after sheep and cows for their well being instead of staying in the big city and being at high risk of contracting the coronavirus.
Helping Most Women
Between March and April, I could get a gynecologist to check on my polycystic ovarian cysts, which I had been dealing with since I was 19. For more women facing PCOS, the therapeutic process could not be new news. After performing numerous tests on me, the doctor announced that my ovaries had no marks of where the cysts used to be. It meant that I could have a child whenever I wanted. My low self esteem issues went away at that point.
It allowed me to conquer my mental health concerns of whether I could become a mother one day or not. Although some women struggle to understand in a time where gender equality and gender roles are on top of women’s issues, becoming a mother could realize my dreams. I am a feminist, sure, but I don’t agree with some feminist theory and particular concerns about motherhood.
Could They Really…?
As I counted sheep after counting all the blessings that occurred in my life in the first quarter of the year, an existential question entered my mind. “Why, despite the success that I experienced in various aspects of my life as a lady, could I still not find a man who could want to settle down with me?”
It felt like a valid question working going to support groups or talk therapy or counseling services for since I could see good men go all out with bad more women with unhealthy behaviors. My definition of the latter was a victim blaming lady who would be the abuser in abusive relationships and milk a guy for money and then leave or cheat on their male counterparts in the end. However, when the same guys came across a good lady – or a lady willing to give her all without asking for anything – they could bow out more often than not.
Seeking Answers From The Female Counselors
I voiced out my counseling process question to my friends during one drinking session at the pub.
They all laughed at me because they thought that it could be the alcohol. They merely said, “Sleep it off, woman. You will forget it tomorrow and remember you’re in the same world.”
Since I knew that women experience this and still would not have the answers for me, I looked for cognitive behavior therapy from mental health professionals to help with my women’s mental health concern.
Learning Gender Socialization
I found a licensed therapist / licensed professional counselor right inside my workplace, who specializes in offering coping skills and counseling services to other women who experience sexual abuse, sexual violence, sexual harassment, domestic violence, posttraumatic stress disorder, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, sexual assault, mood disorders, postpartum depression, eating disorders, intimate partner violence, and other mental health issues that disproportionately affect women. I learn that our in-house licensed marriage and family therapist counseling office helping women mostly with their mental health concerns also had a treatment certification from the national center and could provide treatment to us if need be, so I set a new appointment that afternoon just for that existential question of mine.
When I sat down and expressed my question to the licensed professional counselor, she smiled and asked, “Why would you like to know that?”
“It’s what I have been experiencing in the last number of years,” I replied with a desperate sigh. “I would always find an amazing guy, and he would tell me about a time when he went as far as giving money to a former girlfriend, who eventually backstabbed him. Then, when it came to me – a girl who never needed his money or anything else other than his love – he did not want to make an effort at all.”
Women Coping Strategies
The therapist nodded. “I understand now. If you have not noticed it yet, the common tactic of those “bad women” – as you call them – is that they act like damsels in distress. The chivalrous side of those guys has made them want to come to those ladies’ aid and take care of them. Unfortunately, in your case, they may not feel that way because you are very independent.”
“Is it my fault then?” I asked, worried.
“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant,” the therapist clarified. “Men have different preferences. You just might have only come across guys who thrived in feeling needed by their partner. Hence, they start to lose interest when they realize that you are far from being one of those damsels in distress – that you are a superhero in your own right.”
Women In Counseling Sessions
The therapist’s kind words helped me see the answer to my question. Why had I not experienced a lasting relationship despite my success in other aspects of my life? It’s because I kept going for guys who most likely needed to feel validation and know that I needed them to survive in this lifetime. Well, I am sorry, but my parents did not raise me to become a damsel in distress.
Counseling for females is a vital part of the state of society. Ladies could experience various biological and psychosocial challenges where their gender, being ladies, is a significant factor. Advising, in general, could be a counseling tool for everyone’s mental health.
This realization altered the way I dated men.
Instead of acting all shy on the first date, I would always show my headstrong personality to avoid setting unrealistic expectations. If you thought that it was my way of scaring the guy away, you were correct. I didn’t condone to societal expectation; instead, I wanted to see who could keep up with my own values or at least meet me halfway.
Frequently Asked Questions
- What are the fundamentals of counseling?
- What entails the process of counseling?
- What are the most important skills required to be an effective counselor?
- What are its major objectives?
- Is counseling effective for improving self-confidence?
- How do counselors instill trust in their clients?
- Are there disadvantages to being counselors? What are they?
- What are women’s issues in Counselling?
- What are the qualities of a good counselor?