Suicide Risk And Mental Disorders

I have a suicide risk and anxiety disorder, and I can’t quickly get rid of my inner mental illness struggle suddenly. I am safe and not feeling suicidal at the moment.

Psychological Thoughts

There are people suffering from suicide risk and mental disorders. However, I’m sure I’ll get rid of my mental disorders of ending my life eventually. In fact, I can’t remember a time that I don’t experience my mental illness because I think about ending my life almost every day. Such mental illness thoughts can be a bit scary and exciting at the same time. I know I can have the best day of my life, but once that happiness is over, thinking of suicide risk starts to linger as a mental health condition.

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I wake up most mornings thinking about my mental health condition and internally discussing I would self-harm and be better off dead. It’s a different kind of feeling because I know I wasn’t supposed to be at suicide risk, but I couldn’t help the mental illness turmoil and self-harming thoughts. It’s like an actual mental illness itch that I can’t scratch. It’s as if there’s a dark cloud of self-harming thoughts and suicide risk that shrouds all over me. Again, I couldn’t mend my suicidal thoughts and stop thinking about my mental health condition.

“In neurotic depression, the conflict is experienced as internal. You look in the mirror and think you’re a slob, fat or pimply or balding. You say something incorrect in class and think how stupid you are. You move through life as if you are a short-tempered nanny with an ugly or annoying baby. Your depressive lens for interpreting the reactions of other people makes you want them to agree with you that the baby is an intolerable burden,” writes Michael Karson Ph.D., J.D.

“Without experiencing that others know us, or are able to, we are left feeling alone — at times, despairingly so,” writes Leon F Seltzer Ph.D.

Drowning With Unwanted Dark Suicidal Emotions

People may tell me that they know how I am mentally and emotionally, that they know my mental health condition. But the truth is, they don’t know my risk factors and my known mental health condition. I’m drowning with unwanted dark suicidal emotions, and I feel like there’s no air to breathe. I no longer have that psych energy to come down from my risk factors of self-harming thoughts and tendencies. I know these mental health conditions are not my reality, and I am sure I have things to live for, but it seems not enough to end my life before it’s time. I know that people around me love me so much, and those who are displeased with me don’t matter, but who cares? People often say that things might get better despite my suicidal risk factors and mental disorders but how? When will my mental health conditions and suicidal behavior leave me alone for the betterment of my mental health?

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Suicidal Risk Factors And Mental Disorder: Exactly Where I Am Right Now With My Mental Health Conditions
A suicidal and mentally disturbed person like me lives in dark places and suicidal risk areas to deal with my mental health conditions.

It isn’t just one day that I perfectly know when to decide to end it. It feels like years of suicide risks and mental disorders already, even on good days. This feeling from the mental health conditions I have right now creates something that makes me want to hate everyone else in this world. It makes me a suicidal risk. It’s not like I’m enjoying my situation from my mental health conditions, I sincerely swear I would want these suicide risk factors and mental disorders to disappear. But as of now, I just can’t shake off these mental illnesses risk factors.

For me, every day is a hard journey to get stronger and happier with this suicidal risk and mental disorder. Though I know those are not impossible to attain with my suicide risk factors and mental disorder, it still doesn’t make any sense to me. I can’t think of my psychiatric illness right now because I feel like the only way to stop me from being a suicidal risk is to get some sleep. But then again, I know I have to wake up and endure this mental pain of thinking about self-harming. I am lonely, hopeless, anxious, depressed, and suicidal. It’s almost I am dealing with a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or Bipolar Disorder.

Final Thoughts

So why do I want to commit suicide? Well, I don’t know. I don’t have substance abuse disorders. Maybe it’s because I am just tired and fed up with my life or I have several mental disorders. But I do need to work on suicide prevention.

Or maybe, just maybe, I don’t deserve to live at all.

Whatever mental disorders I might have, I know one thing is for sure, I’m not mentally okay, and I need mental and suicidal help for my mental disorders and self-harming tendencies.

“It is important that you address the cause or causes of your suicidal thoughts in as far as possible, for example, a mental disorder such as depression or alcohol dependence, a difficult life situation, or painful memories,” writes Neel Burton M.D.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

  1. What is the relationship between psychiatric disorders and suicide?
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  3. What are 10 risk factors of suicide?
  4. What is the leading cause of death in mental illness?

    5. What are 5 risk factors for mental disorders?

    6. Which mental disorder has the highest mortality rate?

    7. What is considered a severe mental illness?

    8. What are some rare mental disorders?

    9. What are the 7 main mental disorders?

    10. What is the easiest mental illness to treat?