I have a suicide risk and anxiety disorder, and I can’t quickly get rid of my inner mental illness struggle suddenly. I am safe and not feeling suicidal at the moment.
There are people suffering from suicide risk and mental disorders. However, I’m sure I’ll get rid of my mental disorders of ending my life eventually. In fact, I can’t remember a time that I don’t experience my mental illness because I think about ending my life almost every day. Such mental illness thoughts can be a bit scary and exciting at the same time. I know I can have the best day of my life, but once that happiness is over, thinking of suicide risk starts to linger as a mental health condition.
I wake up most mornings thinking about my mental health condition and internally discussing I would self-harm and be better off dead. It’s a different kind of feeling because I know I wasn’t supposed to be at suicide risk, but I couldn’t help the mental illness turmoil and self-harming thoughts. It’s like an actual mental illness itch that I can’t scratch. It’s as if there’s a dark cloud of self-harming thoughts and suicide risk that shrouds all over me. Again, I couldn’t mend my suicidal thoughts and stop thinking about my mental health condition.
“In neurotic depression, the conflict is experienced as internal. You look in the mirror and think you’re a slob, fat or pimply or balding. You say something incorrect in class and think how stupid you are. You move through life as if you are a short-tempered nanny with an ugly or annoying baby. Your depressive lens for interpreting the reactions of other people makes you want them to agree with you that the baby is an intolerable burden,” writes Michael Karson Ph.D., J.D.
“Without experiencing that others know us, or are able to, we are left feeling alone — at times, despairingly so,” writes Leon F Seltzer Ph.D.
Drowning With Unwanted Dark Suicidal Emotions
People may tell me that they know how I am mentally and emotionally, that they know my mental health condition. But the truth is, they don’t know my risk factors and my known mental health condition. I’m drowning with unwanted dark suicidal emotions, and I feel like there’s no air to breathe. I no longer have that psych energy to come down from my risk factors of self-harming thoughts and tendencies. I know these mental health conditions are not my reality, and I am sure I have things to live for, but it seems not enough to end my life before it’s time. I know that people around me love me so much, and those who are displeased with me don’t matter, but who cares? People often say that things might get better despite my suicidal risk factors and mental disorders but how? When will my mental health conditions and suicidal behavior leave me alone for the betterment of my mental health?
Suicidal Risk Factors And Mental Disorder: Exactly Where I Am Right Now With My Mental Health Conditions
A suicidal and mentally disturbed person like me lives in dark places and suicidal risk areas to deal with my mental health conditions.
It isn’t just one day that I perfectly know when to decide to end it. It feels like years of suicide risks and mental disorders already, even on good days. This feeling from the mental health conditions I have right now creates something that makes me want to hate everyone else in this world. It makes me a suicidal risk. It’s not like I’m enjoying my situation from my mental health conditions, I sincerely swear I would want these suicide risk factors and mental disorders to disappear. But as of now, I just can’t shake off these mental illnesses risk factors.
For me, every day is a hard journey to get stronger and happier with this suicidal risk and mental disorder. Though I know those are not impossible to attain with my suicide risk factors and mental disorder, it still doesn’t make any sense to me. I can’t think of my psychiatric illness right now because I feel like the only way to stop me from being a suicidal risk is to get some sleep. But then again, I know I have to wake up and endure this mental pain of thinking about self-harming. I am lonely, hopeless, anxious, depressed, and suicidal. It’s almost I am dealing with a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or Bipolar Disorder.
So why do I want to commit suicide? Well, I don’t know. I don’t have substance abuse disorders. Maybe it’s because I am just tired and fed up with my life or I have several mental disorders. But I do need to work on suicide prevention.
Or maybe, just maybe, I don’t deserve to live at all.
Whatever mental disorders I might have, I know one thing is for sure, I’m not mentally okay, and I need mental and suicidal help for my mental disorders and self-harming tendencies.
“It is important that you address the cause or causes of your suicidal thoughts in as far as possible, for example, a mental disorder such as depression or alcohol dependence, a difficult life situation, or painful memories,” writes Neel Burton M.D.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
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5. What are 5 risk factors for mental disorders?
6. Which mental disorder has the highest mortality rate?
It’s a unique feeling to wake up and feel like singing. The sun is shining, the world is bright, and there are things to do that you are excited to accomplish. It’s that brilliant feeling that you learn to look for and appreciate as you face challenging and draining times.
Nobody wants to lose that feeling. However, depression can make it difficult to remember why you treasure this happiness at all. It can drain your energy, your motivations, and your joy dry. This mental health issue is just as severe and as lethal as other physical diseases in the world. Depression is not just a form of sadness. It is a mood disorder that can lead to a myriad of mental, emotional, and physical problems.
It’s an uphill battle to overcome depression. You have to take action and remember that you are not alone. However difficult it may be, it’s not impossible. But often, this is also not the final battle. Depression can occur more than once in your life, and each instance doesn’t mean that surmounting it becomes easier.
Negative emotions don’t just go away. Some might rely on treating the symptoms with pills and medication, and others may choose to ignore it and refuse help. With the help of professional therapists, you can equip yourself with the tools to face the root of the problem. Undergoing therapy even after first overcoming bouts of depression can help keep you mentally healthy for life.
The Toll of Depression
Any health problem can leave a person drained and less healthy than before. It takes a lot of our willpower and strength to combat not only physical but mental illnesses. This requirement is the same for depression. Throughout a depressive episode, you may lose the vigor to continue looking for a better day and even the motivation to keep on living.
It’s a serious issue that many of our people face today. In 2020, more than 264 million people worldwide battled with depression. Fortunately, the rising awareness of mental disorders such as depression can encourage people to take care of their mental health.
Depression isn’t only sadness. It can manifest in different symptoms that vary in severity. Here are some symptoms that can be a sign of someone struggling with depression:
Strong negative emotions such as sadness, hopelessness, and anger
Loss of interest in usually pleasurable activities and lack of energy
Difficulty sleeping or over-sleeping
Anxiety and difficulty concentrating
Frequent suicidal or harmful thoughts
Physical pains such as chronic pain and headaches
These symptoms can reach a point where they can start negatively affecting your daily life. You may stop doing simple activities such as chores or running errands. It can feel like you need so much energy to get out of bed or go to school or work. They continue to feed into a downward cycle of depression.
Recovery, Relapse, and Recurrence
Despite how severe depression and all its effects are, it’s not something you have to experience 365 days a year. It is an episodic disorder. Meaning that even after you overcome it, there are still high chances of a relapse or the recurrence of another episode.
A relapse into depression is characterized by experiencing depressive symptoms less than six months after your treatment. On the other hand, a recurrence is the onset of symptoms after those first six months. The continuing struggle against depression can seem hopeless. But know that there are ways to be alert, prepared, and minimize the impact of a relapse or recurrence.
The most evident sign of relapse is experiencing depressive symptoms. A persistent change in your usual behavior can be your most glaring warning sign. A few of these symptoms include:
a downward spike in energy levels
beginning to eat and sleep much more or much less
losing motivation to do what you normally would consider as fun activities
Benefits of Therapy
Heeding the signs can minimize the impact of relapsing and help you overcome it. But the best cure would always still be prevention. While the chances of relapses may be high, you can lessen this and avoid a relapse into depression.
Overcoming depression isn’t the end of taking care of yourself. The healthy habits taught to you by your therapist are good practices to continue despite feeling better. Whether this may be journaling, meditation, exercises, or other coping mechanisms, these will go a long way to staying mentally healthy.
You are also not alone. Having a steady support system can give you an outlet for the buildup of negative emotions that so often trigger depressive episodes. Don’t be afraid to rely on your friends, family, and significant other. When times get tough, they can be the first to notice the warning signs and be the best sources for encouragement and motivation.
Your therapist is also there for you. Their job to help you doesn’t end once your prior depression is resolved. It is part of their professional care to ensure that you stay happy, healthy and equipped to avoid relapses in depression.
Keeping the lessons and exercising the practices you’ve received throughout your therapy sessions isn’t the only thing you can do. Continue seeing your therapists regularly to heed the warning signs and cultivate a healthy lifestyle.
One form of therapy that is beneficial for people with recurrent depression is Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy. It focuses on combining mindfulness training and cognitive therapy to teach you to be more aware of your mental state. With this, you can look for the signs of negative thoughts and emotions and deal with them healthily.
Talking about depression can be, well, very depressing. This feeling is especially true at a point when you may have thought that your mood disorder and all its accompanying negative emotions are a thing of the past. However, it’s crucial to be aware and alert about the risks of relapse and recurrence.
However, relapses and recurrences are avoidable. Plus, you don’t have to deal with these alone. Your therapist and the regular therapy sessions can keep you on track on a happier, mentally, and emotionally healthier life.
Manic depression or bipolar disorder is a neurobiological disorder affecting the brain’s functions. Symptoms of this condition can be difficult to manage, especially for kids and teens. Some signs of early bipolar disorder in adolescents can include impulsivity, talkativeness, and a short attention span, all of which can negatively impact their academic performance.
Beyond academic performance, untreated manic depression can result in serious problems such as substance abuse and suicide attempts. Despite all these challenges, students with manic depression can still succeed in the classroom. So early diagnosis and treatment would be most helpful to combat future problems. To help them understand their condition, support and mental health resources must also be readily accessible.
What Is Manic Depression?
Studies show that depressive disorders affect 1 out of every 7 people in the United States. Manic depression, more commonly known as bipolar disorder, is a mental health condition that affects how a person’s brain functions. People with manic depression have their moods swing from extreme emotional highs to extreme emotional lows. The highs are called mania, while the lows are depression.
Two distinct types of manic depression differ in the severity of manic episodes. Bipolar 1 disorder is characterized by experiencing at least one manic episode that precedes a major depressive episode. Some people with bipolar 1 also experience psychosis. On the other hand, people with bipolar 2 disorder experience at least one depressive episode and one hypomanic episode. Symptoms for episodes include:
For Manic Episodes
abnormal hyperactivity or agitation
exaggerated self-confidence (euphoria)
lack of sleep
For Depressive Episodes
feeling sad or hopeless
loss of interest in hobbies
weight loss or gain
loss of energy
What Causes Manic Depression?
While there is no exact known cause for bipolar disorder, several factors may lead to it. These include:
Your genetics contribute to a higher risk if an immediate family member also has bipolar disorder. Traumatic episodes, such as losing a loved one or exposure to violence, can also trigger an episode of mania or depression.
Researchers have also agreed that genetic and environmental factors are involved. They found out that bipolar disorder is a condition caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. That is, the brain’s mood-regulating system does not function as it should.
How Can Manic Depression Affect Students?
At least one million American children and teens struggle with bipolar disorder. It’s also been observed that those with bipolar disorder are more likely to have poor academic performance. Consequently, they are also more vulnerable to substance abuse and suicide.
The first episodes of bipolar disorder often show up in adolescence. Children may not have the same symptoms of bipolar disorder that adults have. But they experience extremely rapid mood swings, including agitation and anxiety.
A student with bipolar disorder can suffer from cognitive deficits, even when their mood is stable. These deficits include the inability to do the following:
Because brain function is affected, students with bipolar disorder think, act, and feel are also altered.
It can be challenging to face this disorder all by yourself. Moreover, symptoms of manic depression are often mistaken for other mental health conditions, such as ADHD and borderline personality disorder. So seeking a proper mental health professional for an accurate diagnosis will be beneficial.
How Therapy Can Help Students
Seeking help from a mental health professional is the first step towards healing. Therapy makes use of different methods to cater to each patient’s needs. Psychotherapy, with its various treatments, is used to treat manic depression.
For example, in cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT, manic depression is treated one-on-one with a therapist. The primary goal of CBT is to help you approach your thoughts differently, so when you start having manic or depressive thoughts, you can find a way out of it. CBT is short-term and focused on eliminating specific problems, making it incredibly useful for students suffering from manic depression.
CBT works by helping you identify thoughts that contribute to your emotional distress. Therapists challenge these thoughts with you by coming up with different explanations, giving you a more objective perspective. CBT can help you better understand your mental health condition and relieve you from emotional highs and lows.
Students can also join support groups that will help encourage them to develop coping skills and give them a safe space to voice their concerns. Support groups will also help them feel less alone in their problems. Through the experience of others, they can get a better understanding of how to cope with their condition.
Other Therapy Remedies For Manic Depression
While going to therapy and seeking guidance from a mental health professional is effective, long-term changes in your behavior can start with yourself. You can do so by developing good habits for keeping yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy through:
Physical activity is greatly effective at battling symptoms of depression. Studies suggest that 30 minutes of exercise three times a week is enough to see positive results from exercise.
Yoga and meditation can help relieve stress and tension. Deep breathing exercises in yoga can potentially adjust the nervous system to reduce stress hormones.
Sticking To A Routine
This means going to bed at consistent hours every day and structuring your day. Simple self-care activities, such as making your bed, showering in the morning, and preparing a healthy breakfast can help prevent symptoms of depression. You can try making a list of things you need to do within the day to help you feel more productive and accomplished.
Symptoms of manic depression in children and teens can be difficult to diagnose at an early age. So, manic depression can make life and school more challenging than they should be. Students need proper access to mental health resources, as depression can negatively impact their academic performance.
If they suffer from drastic mood swings, their brain functions may hinder them from academic success. Despite these challenges, students can still succeed in the classroom when given the support they need. With therapy, students can better understand how their condition affects them, and it can greatly benefit them in finding ways to cope with manic depression.
How do you know the guy you are dating is the real thing and not just some cheater who’s going to disappear? What are some signs of a womanizer?
Signs I Noticed In A Womanizer
When I opened my clinic for marriage counseling for the first time in town, various organizations asked me on social media accounts to spend time to become a woman keynote speaker at their events regarding ladies, marriage, and relationships in general.
For instance, if the question were, “As women, how do you keep the love alive after many years of marriage?” The most complex question from a person is, “Why am I not enough as the only wife for my husband?”
I would typically hear this question from depressed new wives who get cheated on by their spouses at least once. It is challenging to answer these women mainly because all the information I could share would hurt the feelings of whoever’s asking for it. After all, women were naturally paying attention to most guys they hoped to fix, even though not everyone had non verbal signs that they wanted to be fixed. Women are even called “slaves of love” because of the lengths they will reach just for love and their loved ones, which includes their partners and husbands.
This woman, Mary, came up after my guest-speaking session.
The woman said, “I wanted to go to the mic and ask a marriage-related question, but I was too embarrassed to talk about my marital problems in front of my women friends.”
“I understand. Would you like to come by my clinic? Tomorrow would be nice.”
After exchanging pleasantries with Mary the next day, she told me her story.
“Jim and I had been married for five years now. During the first year of our marriage, I caught him kissing a random woman in his car, but he said that that woman just hopped in the passenger’s seat and grabbed him.”
“And you believed him?” I asked curiously because I knew that was undoubtedly a good sign of a womanizer.
Mary looked down. “Yes, I did, but a small part of me did not want to believe he has a wandering eye and has other women. Then, shortly after that, I got pregnant with our only son. The thought of my husband spending time with another woman did not cross my mind again until I heard his phone ring while he was in the shower in the hospital where I gave birth. I looked at it and saw that there were text messages showing another woman’s naked breasts,” this woman confessed.
“What did you do?”
The woman sighed and said, “I confronted Jim, of course. I was livid; I wanted him to go away. But he kept reminding me of our newborn son and how I should not rob him of the chance of having a whole family just because of one mistake,” Mary uttered.
I knew where Mary’s story was going, but I allowed this woman to continue for the benefit of the doubt. It turned out that she kept catching her husband in comprising situations which showed Jim being a womanizer. The worst part was that he never admitted to anything. He told Mary that she was either delusional or making him look bad in other women’s eyes, although all the pieces of evidence indicated that he got signs of a womanizer.
“What can I do to make my husband faithful? I have done everything I can think of. I got back into shape; I started wearing sexier clothes. Jim would appreciate my efforts, but I knew that he kept seeing other women behind my back,” Mary said sighing, teary-eyed.
“Well, I know that no one wants to hear this, but there is nothing you can do about a habitual womanizer. The problem already started when you allowed your husband to get away without any consequence when you saw him kissing another woman in his car. While there is a chance that that woman genuinely jumped in the car and kissed him, he could have pushed the woman away, but he did not,” I explained carefully.
Mary sighed. “You are right.”
“As for the other cheating with other women incidents that your husband always denied,” I continued, “It may finally be time to see it in a different light. Sometimes, womanizers keep saying that they did not do anything wrong because they thought it was okay to cheat, not because they were really innocent. In that case, you should think of the best action to protect yourself as a woman and your kid.”
“Does this mean that my marriage can no longer be saved?” she asked sighing.
“Only you can decide on that,” I replied also sighing. “However, based on what you told me about Jim’s body language and other warning signs – even when you just gave birth to his son – I find that a red flag. It likely meant that he was living a double life, or he no longer respected your relationship. It is a big deal, and either can’t be worse than the other, frankly speaking.”
Mary went home that day, at a loss for words. After a few months, though, she informed me that she heed the warning sign and kicked her husband out of the house because she found him lying about a new extramarital womanizing affair again.
“I had been fooled for too long. Enough was enough; I deserve a good life and to find someone who genuinely cares,” she said with conviction.
Womanizer: Obvious Signs
Many women who have spouses that have the habit of entertaining multiple women to keep up their own reputation despite being married must face consequences of their actions in their personal life. These other guys must think and reflect of their choices.
Hopefully, most women with habitual womanizers as their romantic partners would wake up from their romantic dream of “fixing” their bad behavior. It could happen, of course, but if years already passed, and there was no change in the man’s behavior as a ladies’ man, it’s alright to throw in the white flag and listen to the red flags and give up on your intimate relationship. It’s for your sanity as a woman, after all. Surely, you can find male friends or guy friends in the dating pool who want the same monogamous relationship you want.
Signs Of A Womanizer
“When you really like or love someone, it’s hard to imagine your life without them. They may add something fun and thrilling that you don’t want to let go of. But when you’re dating a cheater, you’re opening yourself up to be lied to, manipulated, and even used solely for his benefit. You should feel supported and valued in your relationship. If you don’t, it’s time to call it quits.”
Frequently Asked Questions
Is a cheater considered a narcissist?
What causes a man to cheat?
How would you know when a man is cheating on you?
What can you do to manage a womanizer?
How do you outdo a player?
What are some ways that you can make a cheater respect you?
All my financial and emotional challenges went down the drain as soon as that happened, giving me the luxury to enjoy the fruit of my labor for the first time in the last seven years that I started working.
Come February, another blessing came in the form of my parents buying their dream farm. I chipped in a little to make it happen, but it was primarily because of how hard-working they were. They moved to the farm at once and chose to look after sheep and cows for their well being instead of staying in the big city and being at high risk of contracting the coronavirus.
Helping Most Women
Between March and April, I could get a gynecologist to check on my polycystic ovarian cysts, which I had been dealing with since I was 19. For more women facing PCOS, the therapeutic process could not be new news. After performing numerous tests on me, the doctor announced that my ovaries had no marks of where the cysts used to be. It meant that I could have a child whenever I wanted. My low self esteem issues went away at that point.
It allowed me to conquer my mental health concerns of whether I could become a mother one day or not. Although some women struggle to understand in a time where gender equality and gender roles are on top of women’s issues, becoming a mother could realize my dreams. I am a feminist, sure, but I don’t agree with some feminist theory and particular concerns about motherhood.
Could They Really…?
As I counted sheep after counting all the blessings that occurred in my life in the first quarter of the year, an existential question entered my mind. “Why, despite the success that I experienced in various aspects of my life as a lady, could I still not find a man who could want to settle down with me?”
It felt like a valid question working going to support groups or talk therapy or counseling services for since I could see good men go all out with bad more women with unhealthy behaviors. My definition of the latter was a victim blaming lady who would be the abuser in abusive relationships and milk a guy for money and then leave or cheat on their male counterparts in the end. However, when the same guys came across a good lady – or a lady willing to give her all without asking for anything – they could bow out more often than not.
Seeking Answers From The Female Counselors
I voiced out my counseling process question to my friends during one drinking session at the pub.
They all laughed at me because they thought that it could be the alcohol. They merely said, “Sleep it off, woman. You will forget it tomorrow and remember you’re in the same world.”
Since I knew that women experience this and still would not have the answers for me, I looked for cognitive behavior therapy from mental health professionals to help with my women’s mental health concern.
Learning Gender Socialization
I found a licensed therapist / licensed professional counselor right inside my workplace, who specializes in offering coping skills and counseling services to other women who experience sexual abuse, sexual violence, sexual harassment, domestic violence, posttraumatic stress disorder, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, sexual assault, mood disorders, postpartum depression, eating disorders, intimate partner violence, and other mental health issues that disproportionately affect women. I learn that our in-house licensed marriage and family therapist counseling office helping women mostly with their mental health concerns also had a treatment certification from the national center and could provide treatment to us if need be, so I set a new appointment that afternoon just for that existential question of mine.
When I sat down and expressed my question to the licensed professional counselor, she smiled and asked, “Why would you like to know that?”
“It’s what I have been experiencing in the last number of years,” I replied with a desperate sigh. “I would always find an amazing guy, and he would tell me about a time when he went as far as giving money to a former girlfriend, who eventually backstabbed him. Then, when it came to me – a girl who never needed his money or anything else other than his love – he did not want to make an effort at all.”
The therapist nodded. “I understand now. If you have not noticed it yet, the common tactic of those “bad women” – as you call them – is that they act like damsels in distress. The chivalrous side of those guys has made them want to come to those ladies’ aid and take care of them. Unfortunately, in your case, they may not feel that way because you are very independent.”
“Is it my fault then?” I asked, worried.
“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant,” the therapist clarified. “Men have different preferences. You just might have only come across guys who thrived in feeling needed by their partner. Hence, they start to lose interest when they realize that you are far from being one of those damsels in distress – that you are a superhero in your own right.”
Women In Counseling Sessions
The therapist’s kind words helped me see the answer to my question. Why had I not experienced a lasting relationship despite my success in other aspects of my life? It’s because I kept going for guys who most likely needed to feel validation and know that I needed them to survive in this lifetime. Well, I am sorry, but my parents did not raise me to become a damsel in distress.
Counseling for females is a vital part of the state of society. Ladies could experience various biological and psychosocial challenges where their gender, being ladies, is a significant factor. Advising, in general, could be a counseling tool for everyone’s mental health.
Instead of acting all shy on the first date, I would always show my headstrong personality to avoid setting unrealistic expectations. If you thought that it was my way of scaring the guy away, you were correct. I didn’t condone to societal expectation; instead, I wanted to see who could keep up with my own values or at least meet me halfway.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the fundamentals of counseling?
What entails the process of counseling?
What are the most important skills required to be an effective counselor?
What are its major objectives?
Is counseling effective for improving self-confidence?
How do counselors instill trust in their clients?
Are there disadvantages to being counselors? What are they?
People who suffer from depression often hear, “It’s all in your head.” It’s simply wrong to assume that people with depression are “weak.” More so, it is not right to say that their symptoms are a product of their imagination.
It’s one thing to blame them and another to treat depression as a moral failing. So what exactly is depression, and what causes it to happen?
Depression is a mood disorder that affects millions of lives globally. Symptoms typically associated with depression are feelings of sadness, loss, or anger that interfere with their daily functioning.
Other symptoms include loss of interest in everyday activities, sleep disturbances, weight loss or gain, and suicidal thoughts.
Being clinically depressed is quite different from experiencing common negative emotions. Mild and fleeting feelings of sadness serve to conserve our energy in the face of unattainable goals.
However, when profound sadness becomes debilitating and persistent for more than two weeks, this may be a sign of depression.
Contrary to popular belief, depression does not root from a lack of willpower to endure negative emotions. Biological factors, such as genetic influences, actually contribute to the prevalence of mood disorders.
Studies suggest that mood disorders are more common among blood relatives of people with clinical depression.
Although depression has its genetic roots, genetics is not the only factor we should be concerned about. In other words, depression is not a result of a single cause. Factors such as physical, social, psychological, and biological factors contribute to the onset and development of depression.
There are still a lot of unanswered questions about depression. Depression is a complex mental condition that’s why it needs to be studied continually. Every day, discoveries emerge on the various ways depression affects people’s lives.
Read the full article to learn more about genetic influences and other frequently asked questions about depression.
How do genetics play a role in depression?
One of the factors that cause depression in a person is their genetics. People who have family members who also have depression have a higher risk of developing depression than those who do not.
If a person has at least one parent who has depression, they are 10 percent more likely to develop depression, and that percentage more than doubles when both parents are depressed.
What are the 4 major causes of depression?
The four major causes of depression are family history, death or loss of a loved one, trauma or abuse, and biology. Though depression is a very complex mental illness, researchers really do not have a concrete and specific cause for depression.
Each person can have the same symptoms for depression, but not everyone will have the same effects inside the brain, and every person will have a different reason why they had developed depression over this time.
What is the heritability of depression?
Heritability is known as a statistic used when trying to estimate how a trait is likely to be passed on and how it can happen due to genetic variation between different individuals.
Now, according to a study published by Stanford University, the heritability of depression is at forty to fifty percent, and this number might double or increase when depression becomes severe.
Depression, according to this study, is fifty percent hereditary, and the other half is unrelated to genetics.
What is the primary cause of depression?
There is no one primary cause of depression. It can be caused by many different external and internal factors that may differ from person to person. There are cases caused by hormones and chemical imbalances in the brain, and there are cases caused by trauma abuse.
Generally speaking, depression can be caused by many things without really being able to identify a specific one. So make sure to consult with a doctor whenever you start to feel any symptoms of depression for any reason.
What happens to the brain during the depression?
Three brain areas are affected by depression, your prefrontal cortex, your amygdala, and your hippocampus. Your prefrontal cortex is responsible for emotion regulation, decision making, and memories. Your amygdala facilitates emotional responses.
The hippocampus is responsible for cortisol production, which can cause many issues once there is too much of it. There could be many different things happening in your brain during the depression, and scientists have not yet fully understood what really happens.
Who is at greatest risk for depression?
Depression is a mental illness that can affect anyone. It does not really matter how old you are or if you are straight or not. It is a mental issue face by everyone, which is why it is very serious.
Mainly, those who are experiencing or who have experienced abuse, death or loss of a loved one, and untreatable illnesses are more likely to be depressed. Also, people with disabilities and people with family histories of mental illness are very likely to experience depression.
Lastly, people with other mental conditions have a higher chance of developing depression.
Does depression age your brain?
Depression is a complex condition that has taken us years and years to understand fully.
According to a study published by Yale University, depression can actually change a person’s brain physically, which will quicken the brain’s aging process. Once this starts to happen, we are now more likely to be infected with illnesses that are more commonly found in older people.
Also, a group of researchers has found that when a person is depressed, they are more likely to experience a greater decrease in their cognitive functions.
Can depression change your personality?
According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIH), in 2019, an estimated 51.5 Million American adults aged 18 and above are diagnosed with a mental illness of some sort.
This can include a wide range of mental illnesses, from depressive disorders to personality disorders. This usually entails a certain degree of change, such as a loss of energy, isolation, quietness, and overall just more withdrawal.
This could be a contrast from who the person was originally especially when they used to have such high energy and an outgoing personality.
How does depression affect synapse?
Our brain goes through a lot of changes when we are experiencing depression. From memory loss to difficulties in focusing, there will be a significant change in our brain’s functions during the depression.
What happens is our brain will experience a reduction in the sizes of certain brain regions where mood and cognitive functions are regulated. While this is happening, there will also be a reduction in neuronal synapses in the most affected areas by depression.
Can a chemical imbalance in the brain be cured?
Yes, a chemical imbalance can be treated depending on what chemical in your brain is lacking or is too high. You have to make sure that you can visit a doctor to have this checked and addressed immediately to avoid any further complications with your physical or mental health.
Any imbalance should be checked because this can be difficult to deal with once it gets to a point where it is out of control.
Which neurotransmitter at low levels is associated with depression?
There are only three neurotransmitters that are associated with depression. These neurotransmitters are serotonin, or the happy chemical in our brain that elevates our mood when at a good level. It pushes us into a depression when in a very low level, Dopamine or the body’s chemical messenger.
This neurotransmitter helps the brain deliver messages to different parts of the body—lastly, norepinephrine, or the chemical that helps with our muscles’ contraction and especially our heart.
How do you test serotonin levels?
Testing for a serotonin imbalance could present itself as a challenge as there is no specific test that is accurate enough to determine whether or not your brain has enough or if it is too high or too low.
There could be a way to test this through our blood, but again, this still could not be as accurate as we want or need it to be. So, as of the moment, there is no specific test to help identify the serotonin levels in a person’s brain.
What causes a lack of serotonin?
Serotonin deficiency could cause a person to develop a mental illness such as depression or anxiety. A few causes for this could be age-related brain changes, poor eating habits, chronic stress, very little sun exposure, and insufficient exercise.
You might just also not be doing enough of the things that make you happy. You might be ignoring what you need or what could make you feel good about yourself and the things in your life.
Does caffeine affect serotonin levels?
Serotonin is a hormone in our brain that can elevate our mood as it helps us feel happier and better about ourselves. This is why when we intake food or drinks that make us happy; our moods would instantly shift. When we drink caffeine, it has the ability to reduce the serotonin in our brain.
When we drink too much caffeine, it might actually be causing our serotonin levels to decrease instead of helping us boost our serotonin levels. The increased intake of caffeine can make our nerve ending and serotonin levels become more sensitive.
Although caffeine can be healthy for us, it is best to keep it in moderation, much like all things.
What is the happy hormone?
The happy hormone is basically also known as dopamine. What dopamine does helps with our brain’s pleasure centers and other parts of the brain and its functions such as memory, learning, motor skills, and more? Dopamine could also be known as the “feel-good” hormone. This is the hormone that addicts get when they get their “fix.” Basically, dopamine makes us happy, and it makes us feel good about everything around us.
We learned that depression results from a combination of different factors. Some people are born to be genetically predisposed to depression. However, if they grew up in a loving and nurturing environment, they’re not likely to develop depression.
Likewise, someone who doesn’t have a family history of depression can develop the condition if they experience trigger events such as:
Maybe you have a relative with depression, and you wonder if you’d also develop the condition. Or perhaps you have the condition, and you fear that your children might inherit it. It is important to note that regardless of genetic influences, anyone can get depression.
While people with genetic predispositions are at greater risk of developing depression, there are measures to minimize that risk. Also, depression is treatable, and its symptoms are manageable with the proper treatment methods.
Common methods used to treat depression include pharmacological treatments and talk therapy. Also, practicing healthy habits can do wonders in reducing the symptoms of depression. Among these habits are:
avoiding drugs and alcohol,
sticking to a regular sleep schedule,
eating a balanced diet, and
Another significant factor in the maintenance of people’s mental health is social support. Depressive symptoms can increase people’s tendency to isolate themselves from their loved ones or any social circle.
By yielding to this urge to remain solitary, depressive symptoms intensify, and recovery becomes more difficult. You can build strong social connections through:
volunteering in community services,
participating in social events, and
getting together with loved ones.
If you or someone you know is currently struggling with depression, know that that help is available. Contact your local healthcare provider if you think that you might have depression. For anyone contemplating suicide, seek assistance from a crisis or suicide prevention hotline.
I once thought that depression is all the same. I had this stuck-up understanding that when you feel sad or empty and that your emotional situation keeps you from doing productive things, you are in a severe state of psychological problem. I once believed that depression is an everyday mood. Thus, I do not find it alarming if it gets to stay for an extended period.
I was used to telling everyone that their sadness and isolation are always part of their overthinking. Thus, I don’t see the connection of seeking professional advice since there are certain ways to deal with sadness, loneliness, or whatever bad mood individuals have. I was certain that I understood everything about depression and that there is no point in going deeper into its details. I once believed that since I experienced low moods, sadness, loneliness, anxiety, and stress, then I am depressed.
Unfortunately, it was just weeks ago when I realized that my understanding of depression is clearly unreliable and insufficient. With these frequently asked questions, I can now see more depression than just feelings of sadness and loneliness.
What does it mean to be manic-depressive?
Someone with the manic depressive disorder usually feels overly out of himself. In the manic phase, the individual experiences feelings of heightened creativity and energy. There are emotional highs (hypomania or mania) and lows depression that goes along with it. The person experiences depression where he feels hopeless and sad. Usually, the mental health condition makes him lose interest or pleasure in most activities, even if those are the ones that the individual once enjoyed.
What are the symptoms of a manic depressive personality?
The symptoms of a manic depressive personality include a jumpy or wired feeling, often abnormally upbeat. There is an activity, energy or agitation, decreased need for sleep, unusual talkativeness, distractibility, and uncontrolled racing thoughts. An individual also experiences euphoria or an exaggerated sense of well-being and self-confidence. Note that these manifestations vary from one person to another. But usually, all of these can manifest at the same time.
What is manic behavior?
A person with manic behavior usually has this sustained episode of abnormally irritable or elevated mood. Often, he gets to have racing thoughts, intense energy, and other extreme and exaggerated behaviors. In some instances, psychotic symptoms are also visible. These include delusions and hallucinations that indicate a separation from reality. Often, the person suffers from high levels of stress that cause changes in sleep patterns.
Is manic depression the same as bipolar disorder?
Bipolar disorder, formerly known as manic depression, is a mental disorder that provokes unusual changes in activity levels, energy, concentration, and the capacity to work on day-to-day tasks. It affects mood and emotional instability. In most cases, a manic episode can make a person talk a mile a minute and make him hyperactive. Honestly, there is not much difference when it comes to the fundamental symptoms. However, depression is unipolar. It means that there is no up period, while bipolar disorder often includes symptoms of mania.
What are the four types of bipolar?
There are four significant categories of bipolar disorder. It is bipolar I disorder that is defined by manic episodes that usually last at least seven days. Then there’s bipolar II disorder that goes with a less extreme mania. There is also cyclothymic disorder. It involves moods swing between short moments of mild cases of depression and hypomania. Usually, this one has milder symptoms too. Lastly, there is bipolar disorder due to another medical or substance abuse.
Can bipolar go away?
One unfortunate thing about mental health conditions is that most of them do not just go away. Yes, some of the symptoms often come and go. However, bipolar disorder usually requires lifetime treatment and does not guarantee to leave anytime an individual wants. Bipolar disorder is dangerous as it can be a significant factor in family conflict, job loss, and even suicide.
Who is a famous individual with bipolar disorder?
There are a lot of celebrities with bipolar disorder. One of them is Carrie Fisher. She is known for her role as Princess Leia in the Star Wars movie franchise. The actress got diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was 24 years old. She went on rehabilitation after a near-fatal drug overdose, and there she wrote her 1987 novel, Postcards From The Edge.
What is a bipolar person like?
The experience of bipolar is uniquely personal. A person with bipolar disorder often experiences both episodes of mania and severe depression at the same time. He often feels an overwhelming joy, a reduced need for sleep, huge energy, excitement or happiness, and reduced inhibitions. Also, the individuals usually sleep very little, talk more often than usual, and are hyperactive. At times, there is a sense of euphoria or invincible, all-powerful, and unrealistic. The person believes that he is above all or destined for greatness.
How do bipolar people act?
Bipolar disorder causes mood swings. It goes from an extreme high (mania) to an extreme low (depression). Manic symptoms can include increased impulsive behavior, excitement, energy, and agitation. Depressive symptoms, on the other hand, include lack of energy, low self-esteem, sadness, feeling worthless, and suicidal thoughts.
Can bipolar people tell they are bipolar?
Apparently, no, not everyone who has bipolar disorder realizes they have it. Often, someone with bipolar disorder does not know that the person is suffering from a mental health condition as some of the symptoms can appear normal. At times, he can get shocked at his behavior and end up not minding it after. And even if the individual is in a manic state, he might question or deny having it even if he’s dealing with it. The person may also believe that other people are being negative or unhelpful towards his overwhelming changes.
What should you not say to someone with bipolar?
There are certain things one needs to avoid saying to someone with bipolar disorder. These include phrases and sentences like “Everyone has something,” and “You always look for an excuse” Also, some loaded questions like “Can’t you calm down,” “can’t you be nice,” “Why can’t you be happy? “How are you managing?” should be avoided.
Is bipolar a disability?
Yes, bipolar disorder is a condition that qualifies for disability. However, that does not mean everyone with a mental health disorder is automatically granted disability payments or supplemental security income (SSI).
Does Bipolar get worse as you age?
Bipolar disorder causes severe and abnormal shifts in energy and mood, affecting a person’s ability to perform everyday responsibilities. Unfortunately, there is not much an individual can do to stop it as it is one of the mental health conditions that may worsen with age or over time if left untreated. An individual may experience more persistent, severe, and more frequent symptoms than when they first appeared.
What is a good job for a bipolar person?
Individuals with bipolar disorder usually find themselves doing the best things in a relaxed and quiet workspace. That is because they can easily concentrate and think about their schedule and ongoing task. But often, it becomes difficult for them to find and keep a good job due to their symptoms that are currently affecting their day-to-day functioning. However, on the brighter side, jobs for these people can increase confidence, sense of structure and reduce depression. Therefore, a part-time job with a flexible schedule is the best fir and daytime hours are generally most excellent.
Can someone with bipolar have a normal relationship?
Yes. A person with bipolar disorder can have a healthy and happy relationship with someone. The mental health condition may bring many challenges to the relationship, but one can do so many things to enjoy the commitment fully. It is essential to take steps and support one another to help manage the symptoms.
After learning additional information about manic depression, I now believe that I can work on better ways to help myself. Not just in stress or anxiety reduction, but to keep my emotional and mental health stable all the time. Honestly, the process can become a tiring emotional and mental battle. But once I fully commit to the best coping self-care strategies, therapy, and medications, I know I can better handle my depressive symptoms.
In some fortunate instances in our lives, we get to experience a series of emotional and mental health issues that are easy to handle. We get so lucky to understand the situation and easily get rid of what bothers us, regardless of the factors impacting our stressors. We get too attached to our overall well-being that we spare no room for any crippling damage to the physical, emotional, and mental health. Honestly, that is something we should continue to work on because, in the long run, it will become the most rewarding asset we can use to fight stress and other causes of mental illness.
But what if the most valuable people in our lives are not like us? What if our loved ones are vulnerable to all sorts of mental and emotional pain? What is our assurance that they can guarantee to handle stress, anxiety, depression the way we sometimes do? Honestly, those are the questions that can be hard to answer. That is because loving someone with a mental illness requires a lot of patience, understanding, tolerance, care, and love. Spending time with them and working with them can be too difficult to lose our overall wellness while assisting them.
Of course, not that we want to complain or anything, but reality can strike us. The moment we engage with our loved ones’ mental health needs, there is no turning back. Whether we stay or be with them through their journey or take a step back and think about our mental health needs. The struggle can be confusing, so here are some of the frequently asked questions that might help.
How do you love someone with an anxiety disorder?
Loving someone with an anxiety disorder can be tough because there are many things you have to consider. But it is important that you also recognize your needs and monitor your behavior. You and your loved one with a mental health issue should stay on the same thing. You should encourage treatment not only for you but for both you and your loved one.
But note that asking for it, even in a good way, maybe offensive and can mean a thing. You must allow your loved one to take time and be comfortable with the options you want him or her to take. Be gentle and patient all the time.
Can anxiety kill your ability to love?
Negative thoughts and feelings impact a person’s ability to be present within a romantic relationship. Since there is a constantly negative mood, it potentially sucks the joy out of a moment. When there is anxiety, a stressed brain and body may have a much harder time enjoying sex and intimacy.
With regards to emotional attachment, anxiety can also create a different atmosphere between you and your partner. In some unfortunate cases, the mental illness can even cause unexplained doubts and resentment towards the one you love.
How do I calm my partner’s anxiety?
Helping your loved one with anxiety requires a lot of effort. You need to understand the differences in how anxiety manifests so you can match your support to your partner’s preferences and attachment style. That way, you can look for better ways to make use of any insights you could get. Also, communicate your expectations, and accept that you can’t control everything.
It would be nice to show your loved one that you are more than willing to listen rather than open any unsolicited suggestions. Never assume that you understand everything because you don’t.
What is a good job for someone with anxiety?
The suitable jobs for someone with anxiety are dog trainer, entrepreneur, accountant, landscaper, firefighter, artist, and writer.
But of course, these jobs also work with people that don’t have anxiety disorders. Depending on the situation, some jobs might or might not apply to someone with a mental condition.
Do hugs help anxiety attacks?
Hugging helps with anxiety and stress. It has calming effects due to the increased levels of feel-good hormones such as dopamine and serotonin. It makes you happy. It eases away your pain, reduces your fears, and protects you from other sorts of illnesses.
Aside from that, a hug can mean so much, especially when coming from the most important persons in your life. It could represent safety, comfort, and unconditional love.
Can anxiety lead to cheating?
Unfortunately, some people who feel anxious are more likely to have negative thoughts about the relationship. That is due to the constant worry, fear, and doubts that one could have during the stressful moments of their lives. Thus, they often cheat if given a chance.
Why do relationships give me anxiety?
Relationship issues are often known to cause a lot of anxiety to a person. That is because of insecure attachment styles that contribute in various ways. It may often unconsciously create emotional dramas and issues to give unnecessary voice and make tangible endangerment to what the person entirely feels.
What attachment-style is most likely to cheat?
People that have an avoidant attachment style are usually the ones to cheat. In some cases, their infidelity is an emotional regulatory strategy to get away from stress and pressure from the current relationship. Unfortunately, about half percent of people had thought about cheating, and almost 1/3 had cheated.
Can you get PTSD from being cheated on?
Cheating can forever change how one feels about one partner. But even though cheating can cause an extreme emotional dilemma, it rarely causes PTSD.
What should you not say to someone with anxiety?
There are a few things you should not say to people experiencing anxiety. You don’t tell them to “calm down” or “forget about it” because it is not that simple. You can’t say “you understand their feeling” because, in all honesty, you don’t. You don’t say “it is all in your head” and “it will be okay soon” because you can never know.
Why do emotional affairs hurt so much?
The pain from an emotional affair usually comes from lies, deception, and betrayal. From a mental health perspective, it is not those reasons that are hurtful. Usually, it is the regret someone feels after giving their best to the person but doesn’t appreciate any effort and sacrifices. The emotional affair hurt so much because there are too many expectations in the relationship.
Honestly, there is no way you can avoid emotional suffering in a relationship. That is because even small issues matter, especially when it deals with lifelong decisions that link to a romantic relationship.
Should you forgive a cheater?
Honestly, it would help if you tried to forgive someone for cheating on you. Not because that particular person deserves to be forgiven, but because you deserve to have that peace of mind. You need to understand what forgiveness means so you can achieve it. Yes, it’s hard to let go of those damaging feelings. Nonetheless, the benefits of forgiving always dwell on your part.
Depression is considered a mood disorder that often leads to a longstanding feeling of unhappiness and interest loss. Also known as clinical depression or major depressive disorder, it impacts how a person thinks, behaves, and feels and causes a range of physical and emotional problems. A depressed individual may have difficulty performing his usual daily activities and often feels as if his life is useless. More than just episodes of gloominess and the blues, depression is not merely a glitch or temporary error that one can snap out of. Depression may need long-term treatment.
As depression is a mental health illness, the psychiatrist is one of the specialists who work with people diagnosed with the condition. Psychiatrists sometimes utilize depression rating scales to assess the status and level of a person’s symptoms. Depression scales are standardized tools that gauge the level of depression symptoms in a certain period of time. It contains phrases or words that signify the severity of depression.
Here are answers to some of the topics’ frequently asked questions to learn more about depression, scales, and how they work.
What is the Children’s Depression Rating Scale?
Poznanski, Carroll, and Cook created the Children’s Depression Rating Scale in the year 1979 to diagnose depression in kids 6 to 12 years of age. The authors stressed that a score of 30 denotes significant depression, and scores between 20 and 30 indicate borderline depression.
What assessments are used for depression?
The BDI or Beck Depression Inventory is predominantly used to screen for depression and measure behavioral presentations and level of depression. It can be used for individuals 13 up to 80. The inventory is composed of 21 self-report entries that participants complete through multiple-choice response setups.
Who can use the Beck Depression Inventory?
In its present version, the Beck Depression Inventory is created for persons 13 years old and above and contains items related to indications of depression, including irritability, hopelessness, guilt, and physical symptoms such as weight loss, loss of interest in things previously enjoyed, and fatigue.
What does the CDI 2 measure?
The CDI 2 or Children’s Depression Inventory 2 is a short self-report examination that helps evaluate affective, behavioral, and cognitive signs of depression in adolescents and children.
What is the Reynolds Adolescent Depression Scale?
The RADS-2 or Reynolds Adolescent Depression Scale is a concise self-report tool that assesses an adolescent’s severity of depression in negative self-evaluation, Anhedonia/negative affect, and somatic complaints, and dysphoric mood.
What is a CDI score?
The CDI 2 quantifies depression symptoms using reports gathered from adolescents/children, parents/caregivers, and teachers.
What is the purpose of the Beck Depression Inventory?
The BDI is a self-rated scale composed of 21 items that assess key indications of depression, including pessimism, self-dissatisfaction, punishment, guilt, mood, self-accusation, crying irritability, indecisiveness, social withdrawal, and body image change, among others.
How much does the Beck Depression Inventory cost?
The cost of the Beck Depression Inventory is as follows:
1 to 4 reports = $3.20
5 to 49 reports = $3
50 to 99 reports = $2.99
100 to 249 reports = $2.80
What is the PHQ 9 used for?
The PHQ 9 is a depression scale composed of nine questions that are related to patient health. It is among the most validated instruments in mental health and could be a strong tool to help clinicians diagnose depression and monitor treatment response.
How reliable is the Beck Depression Inventory?
Studies have revealed that the Beck Depression Inventory is a reliable, valid, and culturally significant tool for assessing depressive symptoms in FCCCD. It consists of a two-factor pattern that has cognitive and somatic-affective factors.
How do I reference the Beck Depression Inventory?
The Psychological Corporation has copyrighted the Beck Depression questionnaire. It was reviewed and amended in the year 1971 and made copyright after seven years. Both the amended and original versions have been discovered to be highly correlated.
How do you score Beck Anxiety Inventory?
A score of 0 to 7 is read as minimal anxiety; 8 to 15, mild anxiety; 16 to 25 as moderate; and 26 to 63 as severe anxiety. Clinicians scrutinize particular item responses to identify whether symptoms seem mostly subjective, autonomic, neurophysiologic, or panic-related.
Is the Beck Depression Inventory qualitative or quantitative?
Every item is rated 0 – 3 points for an overall score of between 0 and 63. This scale was created as a quantitative depression measure. It was not previously envisioned to be a diagnostic tool.
How is the BDI score calculated?
The BDI II is calculated by totaling the scores for 21 items. Each item is scored using a 4-point scale between 0 and 3. The maximum overall score is 63. Particular attention should be paid to the appropriate scoring of the ‘sleeping pattern changes’ item and ‘appetite changes’ item.
What is the difference between BDI and BDI II?
The former BDI was based on patient description and clinical observations. The BDI II comprises items that indicate affective, somatic, vegetative, and cognitive symptoms of depression.
Depression is not a usual phase of growing old, and it must not be considered lightly. Sadly, depression is often unmanaged and undiagnosed in older adults, as they may often feel hesitant to ask for help. If you know someone who is depressed, help him make an appointment to see his psychiatrist or other mental health professional. If he is not sure of seeking treatment, listen to what he has to say and be there for him. Encourage him to talk to a counselor, therapist, or a faith leader – someone he is comfortable with.
If, on the other hand, you have a family member or significant other who has threatened to commit suicide or made an attempt to harm himself, be sure that someone keeps him company. Immediately call 911 or your town’s local emergency contact number. Otherwise, if you think you are capable of doing it safely, accompany your loved one to the nearest emergency room.
I am one of those women who wish to find their Prince Charming, get married, and have kids. Every night, I pray for God to push the one in my path so that I do not need to be single anymore. The idea of having someone to share my woes and wins also sounds incredibly appealing to me.
However, no matter how much I fantasize about a happily ever after for myself, my mental health is still intact. There are four things that I will never do for a man ever again.
Accept All The Blame In Our Relationship
My first boyfriend had anger management issues that I used to pay no mind. He was just diagnosed with a heart problem at the time, and I thought that he merely acted up due to stress. Sometimes, he would pick a fight with me when I couldn’t answer his call at the first ring or had to go to an important work meeting, claiming I didn’t love him anymore. It would come to the point that he would be unable to breathe, causing him to require immediate medical attention.
Of course, since I was young and naïve, I always apologized to him frantically. I felt like everything that happened was my fault, even though it was because of my boyfriend’s inability to control his emotions.
It was only when I got dumped that I realized the problem. I accepted the blame in our relationship too much. I often walked on eggshells around my boyfriend, too. But I never confronted him for his misgivings because I was stupidly in love.
Consider Turning My Back On My Family And Friends
Another major cause of my fights with my first boyfriend was that he did not want me hanging out with my family, although I lived with them back them. Whenever we had family outings planned, he made me cancel at the last minute. If my friends asked me to meet them, he made me choose between him and my friends.
I will forever be ashamed to admit that I listened to my boyfriend most of the time. I did as I was told, disappointing my family and friends in the process. But then, he ghosted me in the end. I would never even consider leaving my loved ones behind for any man again.
Give Endless Chances
A year after my breakup, I had a second boyfriend. I had always known that he was a player, but I was a hopeless romantic – I assumed that his gigolo days were over.
Unfortunately, I caught my boyfriend texting some girl once. I forgave when he said that it was from an old fling who kept on bugging him. A few weeks later, my best friend saw him coming out of a bar with another woman in his arms.
When I confronted him, he said sorry, and I let it go again. The only deal-breaker for me was when that same woman called, claiming that she was pregnant with my boyfriend’s child.
At that point, I genuinely blamed myself. I thought, “If I left that guy the first time he tried to cheat on me, I would not have been this brokenhearted.” But things already happened – all I could do was learn from it.
Remain In Hiding
My third boyfriend was unique. He had been divorced for four years and shared custody for his seven-year-old son with his ex-wife. I did not think I would fall for a divorcee – much less a dad – but his looks, intelligence, and kindness were all swoon-worthy.
After a couple of months of dating, my boyfriend said that his ex-wife found out that he was seeing someone new (me). I was like, “So? You’re a free man now.” But he said, “She is bipolar; her mental health condition is delicate. I hope it’s okay if we stop dating in public places for a while.”
Again, I was stupidly in love, so I agreed to hide our relationship for six more months. I merely got fed up with our setup when we were grocery shopping one time, and the ex-wife happened to be in the same store. My boyfriend left our cart and dragged me to the car, saying that we should stay there until the woman was gone. It made me feel cheap, as if I was a mistress that he needed to hide. I left him on the same day and never answered his calls or texts.
The last thing that I learned not to do ever since my first heartbreak – and managed to apply when my other relationships ended – was to avoid crying over the men who hurt me. Of course, I was hurt. I wanted to hurl curses at them and make them feel my pain. But then again, I just told myself that they lost more than I did.
I was – and am still – not a damsel in distress. I make my own living; I don’t ask for anything from anyone. If those guys couldn’t appreciate me, that’s their problem.