Counseling Tips: What To Do If You’re With A Habitual Womanizer

When I opened my clinic for marriage counseling for the first time in town, various organizations asked me to become a keynote speaker at their events regarding love, marriage, and relationships in general. Since I wanted to make my business known to the public, I said yes to almost all of them. After all, all I had to do was speak about the normal things that I would talk about in my office and spend an hour answering the audience’s questions.

In all fairness, because it was not a big town, most of the questions that I got required generic answers. For instance, if the question were, “How do you keep the love alive after many years of marriage?” I would merely tell them to spice up their sex lives, talk more, or do more activities together. If you don’t know if you already met the one, you need to look into yourself to know if you see yourself with that person in the next few years. Despite that, the most complex question to answer is, “Why am I not enough for my husband?”

I would typically hear this question from depressed women wives who get cheated on by their spouses at least once. It is challenging to answer mainly because the truth would hurt the person who’s asking for it. After all, women were naturally drawn to people they hoped to fix, even though not everyone wanted to be fixed.

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So, this woman, Mary, came up to me after my guest-speaking session. She said, “I wanted to go to the mic and ask a marriage-related question, but I was too embarrassed to talk about my marital problems in front of my friends.”

“I understand. Would you like to come by my clinic? Tomorrow would be nice.”

Counseling A Betrayed Wife

After exchanging pleasantries with Mary the next day, she told me her story.

“Jim and I had been married for five years now. During the first year of our marriage, I caught him kissing a random lady in his car, but he said that that woman just hopped in the passenger’s seat and grabbed him.”

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“And you believed him?” I asked curiously.

Mary looked down. “Yes, I did, but a small part of me did not want to believe it. Then, shortly after that, I got pregnant with our only son. The thought of my husband being with another woman did not cross my mind again until I heard his phone ring while he was in the shower in the hospital where I gave birth. I looked at it and saw that it was an MMS of another girl’s naked breasts,” she confessed.

“What did you do?”

“I confronted Jim, of course. I was livid; I wanted him to go away. But he kept reminding me of our newborn son and how I should not rob him of the chance of having a whole family just because of one mistake,” Mary uttered.

I knew where Mary’s story was going, but I allowed her to continue for the benefit of the doubt. It turned out that she kept catching her husband in comprising situations. The worst part was that Jim never admitted to anything. He told Mary that she’s either delusional or making him look bad in others’ eyes, although all the pieces of evidence indicated that he was a habitual womanizer.

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“What can I do to make my husband faithful? I have done everything I can think of. I got back into shape; I started wearing sexier clothes. Jim would appreciate my efforts, but I knew that he kept seeing other women behind my back,” Mary said, teary-eyed.

“Well, I know that no one wants to hear this, but there is nothing you can do about a habitual womanizer. The problem already started when you allowed your husband to get away without any consequence when you saw him kissing someone else in his car. While there is a chance that that girl genuinely jumped in the car and kissed him, he could have pushed her away, but he did not,” I explained carefully.

Mary sighed. “You are right.”

“As for the other cheating incidents that your husband always denied,” I continued, “It may finally be time to see it in a different light. Sometimes, womanizers keep saying that they did not do anything wrong because they thought it was okay to cheat, not because they were really innocent. In that case, you should think of the best action to protect yourself and your kid.”

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“Does this mean that my marriage can no longer be saved?” she asked.

“Only you can decide on that,” I replied. “However, based on what you told me about Jim’s womanizing habits going on for years – even when you just gave birth to his son – I find that alarming. It likely meant that he was living a double life, or he no longer respected you. Either can’t be worse than the other, frankly speaking.”

Mary went home that day, at a loss for words. On her next visit, though, she informed me that she kicked her husband out of the house because she found him lying about a new extramarital affair again.

“I had been fooled for too long. Enough was enough,” she said with conviction.

Final Thoughts

Hopefully, all the women with habitual womanizers as their spouses would wake up from their romantic dream of “fixing” their men. It could happen, of course, but if years already passed, and there was no change in the man’s behavior, it’s alright to throw in the white flag and give him up. It’s for your sanity, after all.

Counseling For The Good Women Whose Men Won’t Settle

I received a lot of blessings when the year 2021 came. The biggest one happened in January when my company decided to double my salary. All my financial memories went down the drain as soon as that happened, giving me the luxury to enjoy the fruit of my labor for the first time in the last seven years that I started working.

Come February, and another blessing came in the form of my parents buying their dream farm. I chipped in a little to make it happen, but it was primarily because of how hard-working they were. They moved to the farm at once and chose to look after sheep and cows instead of staying in the big city and being at high risk of contracting the coronavirus.

Between March and April, I saw a new gynecologist check on my polycystic ovarian cysts, which I had been dealing with since I was 19. After performing some further tests on me, the doctor announced that my ovaries had no marks of where the cysts used to be. It was surprising news as it meant that I could have a child whenever I wanted. It allowed me to conquer my fear of whether I could become a mother one day or not.

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As I laid in bed after thinking of all the blessings that occurred in my life in the first quarter of the year, an existential question entered my mind. “Why, despite the success that I experienced in various aspects of my life, could I still not find a man who would want to settle down with me?”

It felt like a valid question since I kept seeing good men go all out with bad women. My definition of the latter was someone who would milk a guy for money and then leave them or cheat on them in the end. However, when the same guys came across a good woman – or someone willing to give her all without asking for anything – they would bow out more often than not.

Seeking Answers From A Counselor

 I voiced out my question to my friends during one drinking session. They all laughed at me because they thought that it was the alcohol talking. They merely said, “Sleep it off. You will forget it tomorrow.”

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Since I knew that they would not have the answers for me, I looked for a counselor who might shed some light on it.

I found one right inside my workplace. I learn that our in-house psychologist also had a counseling certification and could provide counseling to us if need be, so I set an appointment that afternoon just for that existential question of mine.

When I sat down and expressed my question to the counselor, she smiled and asked, “Why would you like to know that?”

“It’s what I have been experiencing in the last couple of years,” I replied with a sigh. “I would always found an amazing guy, and he would tell me about a time when he went as far as giving money to a former girlfriend, who eventually backstabbed him. Then, when it came to me – a girl who never needed his money or anything else other than his love – he did not want to make an effort at all.”

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The counselor nodded. “I understand now. If you have not noticed it yet, the common tactic of those “bad women” – as you call them – is that they act like damsels in distress. The chivalrous side of those guys has made them want to come to those women’s aid and take care of them. Unfortunately, in your case, they may not feel that way because you are very independent.”

“Is it my fault then?” I asked, worried.

“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant,” the counselor clarified. “Men have different preferences. You just might have only come across guys who thrived in feeling needed by their partner. Hence, they start to lose interest when they realize that you are far from being one of those damsels in distress – that you are a superhero in your own right.”

Reeling In

The counselor’s words helped me see the answer to my question. Why had I not experienced a lasting relationship despite my success in other aspects of my life? It’s because I kept going for guys who most likely needed to feel validation and know that I needed them to survive in this lifetime. Well, I am sorry, but my parents did not raise me to become a damsel in distress.

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This realization altered the way I dated men. Instead of acting all shy on the first date, I would always show my headstrong personality. If you thought that it was my way of scaring the guy away, you were correct. I wanted to see who could keep up with me or at least meet me halfway.

The search for the right guy for me turned out to be long and tedious, but I eventually found him. And we lived happily ever after.

Frequently Asked Questions About Whether Depression Is Genetic

People who suffer from depression often hear, “It’s all in your head.” It’s simply wrong to assume that people with depression are “weak.” More so, it is not right to say that their symptoms are a product of their imagination.

It’s one thing to blame them and another to treat depression as a moral failing. So what exactly is depression, and what causes it to happen?

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Depression is a mood disorder that affects millions of lives globally. Symptoms typically associated with depression are feelings of sadness, loss, or anger that interfere with their daily functioning.

Other symptoms include loss of interest in everyday activities, sleep disturbances, weight loss or gain, and suicidal thoughts.

Being clinically depressed is quite different from experiencing common negative emotions. Mild and fleeting feelings of sadness serve to conserve our energy in the face of unattainable goals.

However, when profound sadness becomes debilitating and persistent for more than two weeks, this may be a sign of depression.

Contrary to popular belief, depression does not root from a lack of willpower to endure negative emotions. Biological factors, such as genetic influences, actually contribute to the prevalence of mood disorders.

Studies suggest that mood disorders are more common among blood relatives of people with clinical depression.

Although depression has its genetic roots, genetics is not the only factor we should be concerned about. In other words, depression is not a result of a single cause. Factors such as physical, social, psychological, and biological factors contribute to the onset and development of depression.

There are still a lot of unanswered questions about depression. Depression is a complex mental condition that’s why it needs to be studied continually. Every day, discoveries emerge on the various ways depression affects people’s lives.

Read the full article to learn more about genetic influences and other frequently asked questions about depression.

How do genetics play a role in depression?

One of the factors that cause depression in a person is their genetics. People who have family members who also have depression have a higher risk of developing depression than those who do not.

If a person has at least one parent who has depression, they are 10 percent more likely to develop depression, and that percentage more than doubles when both parents are depressed.

What are the 4 major causes of depression?

The four major causes of depression are family history, death or loss of a loved one, trauma or abuse, and biology. Though depression is a very complex mental illness, researchers really do not have a concrete and specific cause for depression.

Each person can have the same symptoms for depression, but not everyone will have the same effects inside the brain, and every person will have a different reason why they had developed depression over this time.

What is the heritability of depression?

Heritability is known as a statistic used when trying to estimate how a trait is likely to be passed on and how it can happen due to genetic variation between different individuals.

Now, according to a study published by Stanford University, the heritability of depression is at forty to fifty percent, and this number might double or increase when depression becomes severe.

Depression, according to this study, is fifty percent hereditary, and the other half is unrelated to genetics.

What is the primary cause of depression?

There is no one primary cause of depression. It can be caused by many different external and internal factors that may differ from person to person. There are cases caused by hormones and chemical imbalances in the brain, and there are cases caused by trauma abuse.

Generally speaking, depression can be caused by many things without really being able to identify a specific one. So make sure to consult with a doctor whenever you start to feel any symptoms of depression for any reason.

What happens to the brain during the depression?

Three brain areas are affected by depression, your prefrontal cortex, your amygdala, and your hippocampus. Your prefrontal cortex is responsible for emotion regulation, decision making, and memories. Your amygdala facilitates emotional responses.

The hippocampus is responsible for cortisol production, which can cause many issues once there is too much of it. There could be many different things happening in your brain during the depression, and scientists have not yet fully understood what really happens.

Who is at greatest risk for depression?

Depression is a mental illness that can affect anyone. It does not really matter how old you are or if you are straight or not. It is a mental issue face by everyone, which is why it is very serious.

Mainly, those who are experiencing or who have experienced abuse, death or loss of a loved one, and untreatable illnesses are more likely to be depressed. Also, people with disabilities and people with family histories of mental illness are very likely to experience depression.

Lastly, people with other mental conditions have a higher chance of developing depression.

Does depression age your brain?

Depression is a complex condition that has taken us years and years to understand fully.

According to a study published by Yale University, depression can actually change a person’s brain physically, which will quicken the brain’s aging process. Once this starts to happen, we are now more likely to be infected with illnesses that are more commonly found in older people.

Also, a group of researchers has found that when a person is depressed, they are more likely to experience a greater decrease in their cognitive functions.

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Can depression change your personality?

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIH), in 2019, an estimated 51.5 Million American adults aged 18 and above are diagnosed with a mental illness of some sort.

This can include a wide range of mental illnesses, from depressive disorders to personality disorders. This usually entails a certain degree of change, such as a loss of energy, isolation, quietness, and overall just more withdrawal.

This could be a contrast from who the person was originally especially when they used to have such high energy and an outgoing personality.

How does depression affect synapse?

Our brain goes through a lot of changes when we are experiencing depression. From memory loss to difficulties in focusing, there will be a significant change in our brain’s functions during the depression.

What happens is our brain will experience a reduction in the sizes of certain brain regions where mood and cognitive functions are regulated. While this is happening, there will also be a reduction in neuronal synapses in the most affected areas by depression.

Can a chemical imbalance in the brain be cured?

Yes, a chemical imbalance can be treated depending on what chemical in your brain is lacking or is too high. You have to make sure that you can visit a doctor to have this checked and addressed immediately to avoid any further complications with your physical or mental health.

Any imbalance should be checked because this can be difficult to deal with once it gets to a point where it is out of control.

Which neurotransmitter at low levels is associated with depression?

There are only three neurotransmitters that are associated with depression. These neurotransmitters are serotonin, or the happy chemical in our brain that elevates our mood when at a good level. It pushes us into a depression when in a very low level, Dopamine or the body’s chemical messenger.

This neurotransmitter helps the brain deliver messages to different parts of the body—lastly, norepinephrine, or the chemical that helps with our muscles’ contraction and especially our heart.

How do you test serotonin levels?

Testing for a serotonin imbalance could present itself as a challenge as there is no specific test that is accurate enough to determine whether or not your brain has enough or if it is too high or too low.

There could be a way to test this through our blood, but again, this still could not be as accurate as we want or need it to be. So, as of the moment, there is no specific test to help identify the serotonin levels in a person’s brain.

What causes a lack of serotonin?

Serotonin deficiency could cause a person to develop a mental illness such as depression or anxiety. A few causes for this could be age-related brain changes, poor eating habits, chronic stress, very little sun exposure, and insufficient exercise.

You might just also not be doing enough of the things that make you happy. You might be ignoring what you need or what could make you feel good about yourself and the things in your life.

Does caffeine affect serotonin levels?

Serotonin is a hormone in our brain that can elevate our mood as it helps us feel happier and better about ourselves. This is why when we intake food or drinks that make us happy; our moods would instantly shift. When we drink caffeine, it has the ability to reduce the serotonin in our brain.

When we drink too much caffeine, it might actually be causing our serotonin levels to decrease instead of helping us boost our serotonin levels. The increased intake of caffeine can make our nerve ending and serotonin levels become more sensitive.

Although caffeine can be healthy for us, it is best to keep it in moderation, much like all things.

What is the happy hormone?

The happy hormone is basically also known as dopamine. What dopamine does helps with our brain’s pleasure centers and other parts of the brain and its functions such as memory, learning, motor skills, and more? Dopamine could also be known as the “feel-good” hormone. This is the hormone that addicts get when they get their “fix.” Basically, dopamine makes us happy, and it makes us feel good about everything around us.

CONCLUSION 

We learned that depression results from a combination of different factors. Some people are born to be genetically predisposed to depression. However, if they grew up in a loving and nurturing environment, they’re not likely to develop depression.

Likewise, someone who doesn’t have a family history of depression can develop the condition if they experience trigger events such as:

  • childhood trauma,
  •  loss and bereavement,
  • child abuse or neglect,
  • family problems, and
  • bullying.

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Maybe you have a relative with depression, and you wonder if you’d also develop the condition. Or perhaps you have the condition, and you fear that your children might inherit it.  It is important to note that regardless of genetic influences, anyone can get depression.

While people with genetic predispositions are at greater risk of developing depression, there are measures to minimize that risk. Also, depression is treatable, and its symptoms are manageable with the proper treatment methods.

Common methods used to treat depression include pharmacological treatments and talk therapy. Also, practicing healthy habits can do wonders in reducing the symptoms of depression. Among these habits are:

  • avoiding drugs and alcohol,
  •  sticking to a regular sleep schedule,
  • eating a balanced diet, and
  • exercising regularly.

Another significant factor in the maintenance of people’s mental health is social support. Depressive symptoms can increase people’s tendency to isolate themselves from their loved ones or any social circle.

By yielding to this urge to remain solitary, depressive symptoms intensify, and recovery becomes more difficult. You can build strong social connections through:

  •  volunteering in community services,
  • participating in social events, and
  • getting together with loved ones.

If you or someone you know is currently struggling with depression, know that that help is available. Contact your local healthcare provider if you think that you might have depression. For anyone contemplating suicide, seek assistance from a crisis or suicide prevention hotline.

Frequently Asked Questions About Manic Depression

I once thought that depression is all the same. I had this stuck-up understanding that when you feel sad or empty and that your emotional situation keeps you from doing productive things, you are in a severe state of psychological problem. I once believed that depression is an everyday mood. Thus, I do not find it alarming if it gets to stay for an extended period.

I was used to telling everyone that their sadness and isolation are always part of their overthinking. Thus, I don’t see the connection of seeking professional advice since there are certain ways to deal with sadness, loneliness, or whatever bad mood individuals have. I was certain that I understood everything about depression and that there is no point in going deeper into its details. I once believed that since I experienced low moods, sadness, loneliness, anxiety, and stress, then I am depressed.

Unfortunately, it was just weeks ago when I realized that my understanding of depression is clearly unreliable and insufficient. With these frequently asked questions, I can now see more depression than just feelings of sadness and loneliness.

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What does it mean to be manic-depressive?

Someone with the manic depressive disorder usually feels overly out of himself. In the manic phase, the individual experiences feelings of heightened creativity and energy. There are emotional highs (hypomania or mania) and lows depression that goes along with it. The person experiences depression where he feels hopeless and sad. Usually, the mental health condition makes him lose interest or pleasure in most activities, even if those are the ones that the individual once enjoyed.

 What are the symptoms of a manic depressive personality?

The symptoms of a manic depressive personality include a jumpy or wired feeling, often abnormally upbeat. There is an activity, energy or agitation, decreased need for sleep, unusual talkativeness, distractibility, and uncontrolled racing thoughts. An individual also experiences euphoria or an exaggerated sense of well-being and self-confidence. Note that these manifestations vary from one person to another. But usually, all of these can manifest at the same time.

 What is manic behavior?

A person with manic behavior usually has this sustained episode of abnormally irritable or elevated mood. Often, he gets to have racing thoughts, intense energy, and other extreme and exaggerated behaviors. In some instances, psychotic symptoms are also visible. These include delusions and hallucinations that indicate a separation from reality. Often, the person suffers from high levels of stress that cause changes in sleep patterns.

 Is manic depression the same as bipolar disorder?

Bipolar disorder, formerly known as manic depression, is a mental disorder that provokes unusual changes in activity levels, energy, concentration, and the capacity to work on day-to-day tasks. It affects mood and emotional instability. In most cases, a manic episode can make a person talk a mile a minute and make him hyperactive. Honestly, there is not much difference when it comes to the fundamental symptoms. However, depression is unipolar. It means that there is no up period, while bipolar disorder often includes symptoms of mania.

 What are the four types of bipolar?

There are four significant categories of bipolar disorder. It is bipolar I disorder that is defined by manic episodes that usually last at least seven days. Then there’s bipolar II disorder that goes with a less extreme mania. There is also cyclothymic disorder. It involves moods swing between short moments of mild cases of depression and hypomania. Usually, this one has milder symptoms too. Lastly, there is bipolar disorder due to another medical or substance abuse.

 Can bipolar go away?

One unfortunate thing about mental health conditions is that most of them do not just go away. Yes, some of the symptoms often come and go. However, bipolar disorder usually requires lifetime treatment and does not guarantee to leave anytime an individual wants. Bipolar disorder is dangerous as it can be a significant factor in family conflict, job loss, and even suicide.

 Who is a famous individual with bipolar disorder?

There are a lot of celebrities with bipolar disorder. One of them is Carrie Fisher. She is known for her role as Princess Leia in the Star Wars movie franchise. The actress got diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was 24 years old. She went on rehabilitation after a near-fatal drug overdose, and there she wrote her 1987 novel, Postcards From The Edge.

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 What is a bipolar person like?

The experience of bipolar is uniquely personal. A person with bipolar disorder often experiences both episodes of mania and severe depression at the same time. He often feels an overwhelming joy, a reduced need for sleep, huge energy, excitement or happiness, and reduced inhibitions. Also, the individuals usually sleep very little, talk more often than usual, and are hyperactive. At times, there is a sense of euphoria or invincible, all-powerful, and unrealistic. The person believes that he is above all or destined for greatness.

 How do bipolar people act?

Bipolar disorder causes mood swings. It goes from an extreme high (mania) to an extreme low (depression). Manic symptoms can include increased impulsive behavior, excitement, energy, and agitation. Depressive symptoms, on the other hand, include lack of energy, low self-esteem, sadness, feeling worthless, and suicidal thoughts.

 Can bipolar people tell they are bipolar?

Apparently, no, not everyone who has bipolar disorder realizes they have it. Often, someone with bipolar disorder does not know that the person is suffering from a mental health condition as some of the symptoms can appear normal. At times, he can get shocked at his behavior and end up not minding it after. And even if the individual is in a manic state, he might question or deny having it even if he’s dealing with it. The person may also believe that other people are being negative or unhelpful towards his overwhelming changes.

 What should you not say to someone with bipolar?

There are certain things one needs to avoid saying to someone with bipolar disorder. These include phrases and sentences like “Everyone has something,” and “You always look for an excuse” Also, some loaded questions like “Can’t you calm down,” “can’t you be nice,” “Why can’t you be happy? “How are you managing?” should be avoided.

 Is bipolar a disability?

Yes, bipolar disorder is a condition that qualifies for disability. However, that does not mean everyone with a mental health disorder is automatically granted disability payments or supplemental security income (SSI).

 Does Bipolar get worse as you age?

Bipolar disorder causes severe and abnormal shifts in energy and mood, affecting a person’s ability to perform everyday responsibilities. Unfortunately, there is not much an individual can do to stop it as it is one of the mental health conditions that may worsen with age or over time if left untreated. An individual may experience more persistent, severe, and more frequent symptoms than when they first appeared.

What is a good job for a bipolar person?

Individuals with bipolar disorder usually find themselves doing the best things in a relaxed and quiet workspace. That is because they can easily concentrate and think about their schedule and ongoing task. But often, it becomes difficult for them to find and keep a good job due to their symptoms that are currently affecting their day-to-day functioning. However, on the brighter side, jobs for these people can increase confidence, sense of structure and reduce depression. Therefore, a part-time job with a flexible schedule is the best fir and daytime hours are generally most excellent.

 Can someone with bipolar have a normal relationship?

Yes. A person with bipolar disorder can have a healthy and happy relationship with someone. The mental health condition may bring many challenges to the relationship, but one can do so many things to enjoy the commitment fully. It is essential to take steps and support one another to help manage the symptoms.

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Final Thoughts

After learning additional information about manic depression, I now believe that I can work on better ways to help myself. Not just in stress or anxiety reduction, but to keep my emotional and mental health stable all the time. Honestly, the process can become a tiring emotional and mental battle. But once I fully commit to the best coping self-care strategies, therapy, and medications, I know I can better handle my depressive symptoms.

 

Frequently Asked Questions About Loving Someone With Anxiety

In some fortunate instances in our lives, we get to experience a series of emotional and mental health issues that are easy to handle. We get so lucky to understand the situation and easily get rid of what bothers us, regardless of the factors impacting our stressors. We get too attached to our overall well-being that we spare no room for any crippling damage to the physical, emotional, and mental health. Honestly, that is something we should continue to work on because, in the long run, it will become the most rewarding asset we can use to fight stress and other causes of mental illness.

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But what if the most valuable people in our lives are not like us? What if our loved ones are vulnerable to all sorts of mental and emotional pain? What is our assurance that they can guarantee to handle stress, anxiety, depression the way we sometimes do? Honestly, those are the questions that can be hard to answer. That is because loving someone with a mental illness requires a lot of patience, understanding, tolerance, care, and love. Spending time with them and working with them can be too difficult to lose our overall wellness while assisting them.

Of course, not that we want to complain or anything, but reality can strike us. The moment we engage with our loved ones’ mental health needs, there is no turning back. Whether we stay or be with them through their journey or take a step back and think about our mental health needs. The struggle can be confusing, so here are some of the frequently asked questions that might help.

How do you love someone with an anxiety disorder? 

Loving someone with an anxiety disorder can be tough because there are many things you have to consider. But it is important that you also recognize your needs and monitor your behavior. You and your loved one with a mental health issue should stay on the same thing. You should encourage treatment not only for you but for both you and your loved one.

But note that asking for it, even in a good way, maybe offensive and can mean a thing. You must allow your loved one to take time and be comfortable with the options you want him or her to take. Be gentle and patient all the time.

 Can anxiety kill your ability to love? 

Negative thoughts and feelings impact a person’s ability to be present within a romantic relationship. Since there is a constantly negative mood, it potentially sucks the joy out of a moment. When there is anxiety, a stressed brain and body may have a much harder time enjoying sex and intimacy.

With regards to emotional attachment, anxiety can also create a different atmosphere between you and your partner. In some unfortunate cases, the mental illness can even cause unexplained doubts and resentment towards the one you love.

 How do I calm my partner’s anxiety? 

Helping your loved one with anxiety requires a lot of effort. You need to understand the differences in how anxiety manifests so you can match your support to your partner’s preferences and attachment style. That way, you can look for better ways to make use of any insights you could get. Also, communicate your expectations, and accept that you can’t control everything.

It would be nice to show your loved one that you are more than willing to listen rather than open any unsolicited suggestions. Never assume that you understand everything because you don’t.

 What is a good job for someone with anxiety? 

The suitable jobs for someone with anxiety are dog trainer, entrepreneur, accountant, landscaper, firefighter, artist, and writer.

But of course, these jobs also work with people that don’t have anxiety disorders. Depending on the situation, some jobs might or might not apply to someone with a mental condition.

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 Do hugs help anxiety attacks? 

Hugging helps with anxiety and stress. It has calming effects due to the increased levels of feel-good hormones such as dopamine and serotonin. It makes you happy. It eases away your pain, reduces your fears, and protects you from other sorts of illnesses.

Aside from that, a hug can mean so much, especially when coming from the most important persons in your life. It could represent safety, comfort, and unconditional love.

 Can anxiety lead to cheating? 

Unfortunately, some people who feel anxious are more likely to have negative thoughts about the relationship. That is due to the constant worry, fear, and doubts that one could have during the stressful moments of their lives. Thus, they often cheat if given a chance. 

 Why do relationships give me anxiety? 

Relationship issues are often known to cause a lot of anxiety to a person. That is because of insecure attachment styles that contribute in various ways. It may often unconsciously create emotional dramas and issues to give unnecessary voice and make tangible endangerment to what the person entirely feels.

What attachment-style is most likely to cheat? 

People that have an avoidant attachment style are usually the ones to cheat. In some cases, their infidelity is an emotional regulatory strategy to get away from stress and pressure from the current relationship. Unfortunately, about half percent of people had thought about cheating, and almost 1/3 had cheated.

 Can you get PTSD from being cheated on? 

Cheating can forever change how one feels about one partner. But even though cheating can cause an extreme emotional dilemma, it rarely causes PTSD.

 What should you not say to someone with anxiety? 

There are a few things you should not say to people experiencing anxiety. You don’t tell them to “calm down” or “forget about it” because it is not that simple. You can’t say “you understand their feeling” because, in all honesty, you don’t. You don’t say “it is all in your head” and “it will be okay soon” because you can never know.

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 Why do emotional affairs hurt so much? 

The pain from an emotional affair usually comes from lies, deception, and betrayal. From a mental health perspective, it is not those reasons that are hurtful. Usually, it is the regret someone feels after giving their best to the person but doesn’t appreciate any effort and sacrifices. The emotional affair hurt so much because there are too many expectations in the relationship.

Honestly, there is no way you can avoid emotional suffering in a relationship. That is because even small issues matter, especially when it deals with lifelong decisions that link to a romantic relationship.

 Should you forgive a cheater? 

Honestly, it would help if you tried to forgive someone for cheating on you. Not because that particular person deserves to be forgiven, but because you deserve to have that peace of mind. You need to understand what forgiveness means so you can achieve it. Yes, it’s hard to let go of those damaging feelings. Nonetheless, the benefits of forgiving always dwell on your part.

 

 

 

Frequently Asked Questions On Depression And Depression Scales

 

Depression is considered a mood disorder that often leads to a longstanding feeling of unhappiness and interest loss. Also known as clinical depression or major depressive disorder, it impacts how a person thinks, behaves, and feels and causes a range of physical and emotional problems. A depressed individual may have difficulty performing his usual daily activities and often feels as if his life is useless. More than just episodes of gloominess and the blues, depression is not merely a glitch or temporary error that one can snap out of. Depression may need long-term treatment.

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As depression is a mental health illness, the psychiatrist is one of the specialists who work with people diagnosed with the condition. Psychiatrists sometimes utilize depression rating scales to assess the status and level of a person’s symptoms. Depression scales are standardized tools that gauge the level of depression symptoms in a certain period of time. It contains phrases or words that signify the severity of depression.

Here are answers to some of the topics’ frequently asked questions to learn more about depression, scales, and how they work.

 

What is the Children’s Depression Rating Scale?

Poznanski, Carroll, and Cook created the Children’s Depression Rating Scale in the year 1979 to diagnose depression in kids 6 to 12 years of age. The authors stressed that a score of 30 denotes significant depression, and scores between 20 and 30 indicate borderline depression.

What assessments are used for depression?

The BDI or Beck Depression Inventory is predominantly used to screen for depression and measure behavioral presentations and level of depression. It can be used for individuals 13 up to 80. The inventory is composed of 21 self-report entries that participants complete through multiple-choice response setups.

Who can use the Beck Depression Inventory?

In its present version, the Beck Depression Inventory is created for persons 13 years old and above and contains items related to indications of depression, including irritability, hopelessness, guilt, and physical symptoms such as weight loss, loss of interest in things previously enjoyed, and fatigue.

What does the CDI 2 measure?

The CDI 2 or Children’s Depression Inventory 2 is a short self-report examination that helps evaluate affective, behavioral, and cognitive signs of depression in adolescents and children.

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What is the Reynolds Adolescent Depression Scale?

The RADS-2 or Reynolds Adolescent Depression Scale is a concise self-report tool that assesses an adolescent’s severity of depression in negative self-evaluation, Anhedonia/negative affect, and somatic complaints, and dysphoric mood.

What is a CDI score?

The CDI 2 quantifies depression symptoms using reports gathered from adolescents/children, parents/caregivers, and teachers.

What is the purpose of the Beck Depression Inventory?

The BDI is a self-rated scale composed of 21 items that assess key indications of depression, including pessimism, self-dissatisfaction, punishment, guilt, mood, self-accusation, crying irritability, indecisiveness, social withdrawal, and body image change, among others.

How much does the Beck Depression Inventory cost?

The cost of the Beck Depression Inventory is as follows:

  • 1 to 4 reports = $3.20
  • 5 to 49 reports = $3
  • 50 to 99 reports = $2.99
  • 100 to 249 reports = $2.80

What is the PHQ 9 used for?

The PHQ 9 is a depression scale composed of nine questions that are related to patient health. It is among the most validated instruments in mental health and could be a strong tool to help clinicians diagnose depression and monitor treatment response.

How reliable is the Beck Depression Inventory?

Studies have revealed that the Beck Depression Inventory is a reliable, valid, and culturally significant tool for assessing depressive symptoms in FCCCD. It consists of a two-factor pattern that has cognitive and somatic-affective factors.

How do I reference the Beck Depression Inventory?

The Psychological Corporation has copyrighted the Beck Depression questionnaire. It was reviewed and amended in the year 1971 and made copyright after seven years. Both the amended and original versions have been discovered to be highly correlated.

How do you score Beck Anxiety Inventory?

A score of 0 to 7 is read as minimal anxiety; 8 to 15, mild anxiety; 16 to 25 as moderate; and 26 to 63 as severe anxiety. Clinicians scrutinize particular item responses to identify whether symptoms seem mostly subjective, autonomic, neurophysiologic, or panic-related.

Is the Beck Depression Inventory qualitative or quantitative?

Every item is rated 0 – 3 points for an overall score of between 0 and 63. This scale was created as a quantitative depression measure. It was not previously envisioned to be a diagnostic tool.

How is the BDI score calculated?

The BDI II is calculated by totaling the scores for 21 items. Each item is scored using a 4-point scale between 0 and 3. The maximum overall score is 63. Particular attention should be paid to the appropriate scoring of the ‘sleeping pattern changes’ item and ‘appetite changes’ item.

What is the difference between BDI and BDI II?

The former BDI was based on patient description and clinical observations. The BDI II comprises items that indicate affective, somatic, vegetative, and cognitive symptoms of depression.

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Depression is not a usual phase of growing old, and it must not be considered lightly. Sadly, depression is often unmanaged and undiagnosed in older adults, as they may often feel hesitant to ask for help. If you know someone who is depressed, help him make an appointment to see his psychiatrist or other mental health professional. If he is not sure of seeking treatment, listen to what he has to say and be there for him. Encourage him to talk to a counselor, therapist, or a faith leader – someone he is comfortable with.

If, on the other hand, you have a family member or significant other who has threatened to commit suicide or made an attempt to harm himself, be sure that someone keeps him company. Immediately call 911 or your town’s local emergency contact number. Otherwise, if you think you are capable of doing it safely, accompany your loved one to the nearest emergency room.

 

Mental Health 101: 4 Things I Will Never Do For A Man Again

I am one of those women who wish to find their Prince Charming, get married, and have kids. Every night, I pray for God to push the one in my path so that I do not need to be single anymore. The idea of having someone to share my woes and wins also sounds incredibly appealing to me.

However, no matter how much I fantasize about a happily ever after for myself, my mental health is still intact. There are four things that I will never do for a man ever again.

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Accept All The Blame In Our Relationship

My first boyfriend had anger management issues that I used to pay no mind. He was just diagnosed with a heart problem at the time, and I thought that he merely acted up due to stress. Sometimes, he would pick a fight with me when I couldn’t answer his call at the first ring or had to go to an important work meeting, claiming I didn’t love him anymore. It would come to the point that he would be unable to breathe, causing him to require immediate medical attention.

Of course, since I was young and naïve, I always apologized to him frantically. I felt like everything that happened was my fault, even though it was because of my boyfriend’s inability to control his emotions.

It was only when I got dumped that I realized the problem. I accepted the blame in our relationship too much. I often walked on eggshells around my boyfriend, too. But I never confronted him for his misgivings because I was stupidly in love.

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Consider Turning My Back On My Family And Friends

Another major cause of my fights with my first boyfriend was that he did not want me hanging out with my family, although I lived with them back them. Whenever we had family outings planned, he made me cancel at the last minute. If my friends asked me to meet them, he made me choose between him and my friends.

I will forever be ashamed to admit that I listened to my boyfriend most of the time. I did as I was told, disappointing my family and friends in the process. But then, he ghosted me in the end. I would never even consider leaving my loved ones behind for any man again.

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Give Endless Chances

A year after my breakup, I had a second boyfriend. I had always known that he was a player, but I was a hopeless romantic – I assumed that his gigolo days were over.

Unfortunately, I caught my boyfriend texting some girl once. I forgave when he said that it was from an old fling who kept on bugging him. A few weeks later, my best friend saw him coming out of a bar with another woman in his arms.

When I confronted him, he said sorry, and I let it go again. The only deal-breaker for me was when that same woman called, claiming that she was pregnant with my boyfriend’s child.

At that point, I genuinely blamed myself. I thought, “If I left that guy the first time he tried to cheat on me, I would not have been this brokenhearted.” But things already happened – all I could do was learn from it.

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Remain In Hiding

My third boyfriend was unique. He had been divorced for four years and shared custody for his seven-year-old son with his ex-wife. I did not think I would fall for a divorcee – much less a dad – but his looks, intelligence, and kindness were all swoon-worthy.

After a couple of months of dating, my boyfriend said that his ex-wife found out that he was seeing someone new (me). I was like, “So? You’re a free man now.” But he said, “She is bipolar; her mental health condition is delicate. I hope it’s okay if we stop dating in public places for a while.”

Again, I was stupidly in love, so I agreed to hide our relationship for six more months. I merely got fed up with our setup when we were grocery shopping one time, and the ex-wife happened to be in the same store. My boyfriend left our cart and dragged me to the car, saying that we should stay there until the woman was gone. It made me feel cheap, as if I was a mistress that he needed to hide. I left him on the same day and never answered his calls or texts.

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Bottom Line

The last thing that I learned not to do ever since my first heartbreak – and managed to apply when my other relationships ended – was to avoid crying over the men who hurt me. Of course, I was hurt. I wanted to hurl curses at them and make them feel my pain. But then again, I just told myself that they lost more than I did.

I was – and am still – not a damsel in distress. I make my own living; I don’t ask for anything from anyone. If those guys couldn’t appreciate me, that’s their problem.

Strengthening A Family Member Who Has Depression

 

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Strengthening a family member who is diagnosed with depression can be daunting. You might feel powerless and don’t know what else to do. Learn ways on how to provide support and knowledge and help a loved one acquire the proper resources to deal with their depression. Here are some things you can do.

Know More About The Symptoms

The signs and symptoms of depression vary from individual to individual. These include tiredness or lack of energy at even the small activities, sudden outbursts of anger and irritability, feelings of hopelessness and sadness, insomnia, anxiety, appetite loss, or heightened cravings for different kinds of food, difficulty concentrating and making decisions, and frequent suicidal thoughts, among others.

For most individuals with depression, the symptoms are typically intense enough to lead to obvious problems with activities of daily living, like at school, work, relationships, and social activities. Others might be more miserable or sad without really knowing the reason why. Teens and kids may be more cranky and short-tempered rather than down and gloomy.

Pursue Treatment

Individuals who have depression may be unable to acknowledge that they are indeed depressed. They might even be unaware of the warning signs of depression so they would actually think that what they are feeling is normal. Also, they feel embarrassed about their illness and pretend to believe that they must surpass the illness on their own. But in truth, depression rarely becomes better without any complementary treatment. In fact, it might even worsen. With the proper treatment, your loved one will heal, recover, and get better.

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What can you do to help your depressed family member?

  • Express to your loved one your concern about the symptoms that you have noticed.
  • Tell him or her gently that depression is something that is medical, not a weakness that was caused by her, and emphasize that there is a treatment for it.
  • Encourage your loved one to ask for help from a mental health professional – a counselor, psychologist, therapist, or psychiatrist.
  • Let your loved one feel that you are there for him by going with him to his doctor’s appointments or just being with him when he needs someone to talk to.

Know The Signs To Watch Out For In Severe Depression

Everybody experiences different signs of depression. Keep an eye on your beloved family member. Read more about how the illness impacts him and learn tips and strategies on what to do when his depression worsens.

Things to consider:

  • What usual depressive signs and symptoms does your family member present with?
  • What kind of behaviors or type of language have you observed when depression is severe?
  • What situations can trigger your loved one’s depressive condition?
  • Are there activities that your loved one can do to help decrease depressive symptoms?

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Severe depression must be treated promptly. Encourage your family member to see his mental health provider so that they can discuss a treatment plan for his illness. His mental health provider might require him to make adjustments to his medications, visit a psychotherapist, and give more attention to his health – his food, activities, and his hours of sleep.

Give The Support He Needs

Keep in mind that your family member’s debilitating illness is not his or your family’s fault. You can’t possibly cure your loved one’s depression, but you can definitely provide the support and understanding that he needs. If he is currently being treated for depression, perhaps you can remind him about taking his medications and keep up with his appointments. You must also be there to listen to him. Let him feel that you understand him – or you want to. However, try to avoid giving unsolicited advice or judging him. Listening and understanding him is more than enough help.

If you have extra time, you can offer to take care of other chores that he might not be able to do because of his treatments. Cook a meal for him or his children. Help with the laundry or do the dishes if he’s too down or preoccupied. In this way, you are helping him create a less stressful environment, which in turn reduces his symptoms.

Lastly, if your loved one is open to emotional or spiritual healing, encourage him to participate in activities that would help him express his faith, whether it be joining a religious organization or a group of close friends who are into prayer and meditation.

Conclusion

As for you, as a family member, supporter, and loved one, what you can do is learn about the illness, as the more you understand the definition, causes, signs and symptoms, and many more about depression, the more helpful you can be.

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Also, you must not forget to take care of yourself. Helping someone overcome depression is quite daunting. Ask help from others and take the necessary steps to prevent you from getting depressed or frustrated yourself. Find relaxing activities or hobbies that would interest you. Finally, remember that patience is a virtue. Depression does get better with treatment but it doesn’t happen overnight. Find the best treatment program. For some, symptoms improve fast after a few weeks of treatment. For others, it might take longer.

 

 

COVID-19 Mental Health Awareness – Self-Care Tips When You Feel Low And Broken

Are you feeling overwhelmed with all the things around you, especially now that you need to deal with the Coronavirus pandemic? Are you struggling financially, emotionally, physically, and mentally? Are you feeling that everything negative is happening all at once? Sadly, when you are feeling low and broken, it becomes easy for you to convince yourself to stay in that unfortunate situation. You become less and less worried about what might happen to you because you think you are already on the ground.

Nevertheless, part of you still wants things to get better. You hope that someday, all your worries and fear will soon end up. But before that, you need to help yourself get back on track, so consider these self-care tips.

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Try To Step Outside

It is ideal to follow specific protocols such as social distancing these days. It is one of the best ways to keep you away from getting infected from the virus. But your thoughts can become even louder, especially when you’re at home alone. Sometimes, you get congested with all the negativity from watching the news. So if ever you can, please step outside and get some fresh air. Make use of your chance to be alone with nature. Try to step outside for short walks, or at least utilize your lawn if you have one. Stepping outside is beneficial in clearing your head as well as improve your mood.

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Take A Nap

You are not meant to experience life locked up in a room. Understandably, you are trying your best to look for ways to keep yourself busy while staying at home for quarantine. But admittedly, there are times that you don’t get enough sleep. That explains why sometimes your moods take a turn for the worse. You get cranky from the mental and emotional exhaustion. So to avoid that, consider taking a nap once or twice a day. Just curl up on the couch, try to close your eyes, and allow your mind and body to recharge. And once you wake up, you will entirely feel better.

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Do A Space Makeover

During this lockdown, cleaning your space is one of the best things you can do. It can keep you distracted, which is beneficial to your emotional and mental state right now. But note, cleaning doesn’t have to be overly excessive. You can still make a difference even if you only organize or rearrange stuff in your room. Big or small, the changes you make can always enhance the atmosphere of your space. And since you are spending more time in your area, it is better to give it love and attention.

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Take A Break From Social Media

As much as you want to thank the internet for keeping you busy during your lockdown experience, there is a benefit if you take a break from it. Yes, social media helps in distracting you from stress and anxiety. However, too much of it can cause a whole lot of different mental issues. It becomes a platform that adds pressure in terms of competing with other people’s lives during this pandemic. At some point, it emphasizes some of the worst situations out there that can add bitterness and sorrow to your heart. So if you think your sense of self is worth more than a digitalized reputation, step back away from social media pressure.

Reach Out

During this time, it is essential to reach out to people digitally. It is okay to tell them how you feel. Avoid shutting down yourself from everyone only because you think this pandemic is causing issues on social relationships. Be creative and talk to people. Make it a habit to communicate and allow other people to be there for you, even digitally.

Knowing God Is Not Too Bad When You Have Depression

Religion has never been a significant part of my life. Even when I was growing up, I had never seen my parents pick up a Bible or go to a church. But then, when I got diagnosed with depression last year, a friend invited me to the God and Depression Conference 2019.

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I genuinely had no desire to attend the conference, especially not when it sounded like a religious one. However, I saw how much my friend wanted me to come, and she rarely asked me for anything—it was always the other way around. So, I allowed her to drag me to the event.

During the first hour, I was already bored. A Roman Catholic organization organized the conference, so there was a church mass at first. As the hours went by, I found myself listening about people’s testimonials about how God helped them. That inspired me to welcome Him in my life for the first time, hoping to overcome my depression naturally. 

I realized that it was the best decision because:

It Felt Like Having A New Friend But Without The Adverse Side Effects

A typical friend is comparable to a double-edged sword in the sense that it can protect or stab you. However, when you befriend God, you need not worry about dealing with a potential backstabber. You can tell Him all your issues, and no one else will hear about them.

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It Was Humbling To Hear About His Hardships

Getting to know God entails having to understand His life story through the Bible or even church songs. Either focus on everything that Jesus Christ did to save all of us and such information is humbling. It has made me think, “If God can do all that without falling into depression, I should start getting my act together.”

Final Thoughts

Whether you have depression or not, I will never force you to start knowing God now. I still don’t believe in miracles or going to church every Sunday, but I can attest to how talking to Him like a friend has helped ease my depression.