I received a lot of blessings when the year 2021 came. The biggest one happened in January when my company decided to double my salary. All my financial memories went down the drain as soon as that happened, giving me the luxury to enjoy the fruit of my labor for the first time in the last seven years that I started working.
Come February, and another blessing came in the form of my parents buying their dream farm. I chipped in a little to make it happen, but it was primarily because of how hard-working they were. They moved to the farm at once and chose to look after sheep and cows instead of staying in the big city and being at high risk of contracting the coronavirus.
Between March and April, I saw a new gynecologist check on my polycystic ovarian cysts, which I had been dealing with since I was 19. After performing some further tests on me, the doctor announced that my ovaries had no marks of where the cysts used to be. It was surprising news as it meant that I could have a child whenever I wanted. It allowed me to conquer my fear of whether I could become a mother one day or not.
As I laid in bed after thinking of all the blessings that occurred in my life in the first quarter of the year, an existential question entered my mind. “Why, despite the success that I experienced in various aspects of my life, could I still not find a man who would want to settle down with me?”
It felt like a valid question since I kept seeing good men go all out with bad women. My definition of the latter was someone who would milk a guy for money and then leave them or cheat on them in the end. However, when the same guys came across a good woman – or someone willing to give her all without asking for anything – they would bow out more often than not.
Seeking Answers From A Counselor
I voiced out my question to my friends during one drinking session. They all laughed at me because they thought that it was the alcohol talking. They merely said, “Sleep it off. You will forget it tomorrow.”
Since I knew that they would not have the answers for me, I looked for a counselor who might shed some light on it.
I found one right inside my workplace. I learn that our in-house psychologist also had a counseling certification and could provide counseling to us if need be, so I set an appointment that afternoon just for that existential question of mine.
When I sat down and expressed my question to the counselor, she smiled and asked, “Why would you like to know that?”
“It’s what I have been experiencing in the last couple of years,” I replied with a sigh. “I would always found an amazing guy, and he would tell me about a time when he went as far as giving money to a former girlfriend, who eventually backstabbed him. Then, when it came to me – a girl who never needed his money or anything else other than his love – he did not want to make an effort at all.”
The counselor nodded. “I understand now. If you have not noticed it yet, the common tactic of those “bad women” – as you call them – is that they act like damsels in distress. The chivalrous side of those guys has made them want to come to those women’s aid and take care of them. Unfortunately, in your case, they may not feel that way because you are very independent.”
“Is it my fault then?” I asked, worried.
“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant,” the counselor clarified. “Men have different preferences. You just might have only come across guys who thrived in feeling needed by their partner. Hence, they start to lose interest when they realize that you are far from being one of those damsels in distress – that you are a superhero in your own right.”
The counselor’s words helped me see the answer to my question. Why had I not experienced a lasting relationship despite my success in other aspects of my life? It’s because I kept going for guys who most likely needed to feel validation and know that I needed them to survive in this lifetime. Well, I am sorry, but my parents did not raise me to become a damsel in distress.
This realization altered the way I dated men. Instead of acting all shy on the first date, I would always show my headstrong personality. If you thought that it was my way of scaring the guy away, you were correct. I wanted to see who could keep up with me or at least meet me halfway.
The search for the right guy for me turned out to be long and tedious, but I eventually found him. And we lived happily ever after.