I am one of those women who wish to find their Prince Charming, get married, and have kids. Every night, I pray for God to push the one in my path so that I do not need to be single anymore. The idea of having someone to share my woes and wins also sounds incredibly appealing to me.
However, no matter how much I fantasize about a happily ever after for myself, my mental health is still intact. There are four things that I will never do for a man ever again.
Accept All The Blame In Our Relationship
My first boyfriend had anger management issues that I used to pay no mind. He was just diagnosed with a heart problem at the time, and I thought that he merely acted up due to stress. Sometimes, he would pick a fight with me when I couldn’t answer his call at the first ring or had to go to an important work meeting, claiming I didn’t love him anymore. It would come to the point that he would be unable to breathe, causing him to require immediate medical attention.
Of course, since I was young and naïve, I always apologized to him frantically. I felt like everything that happened was my fault, even though it was because of my boyfriend’s inability to control his emotions.
It was only when I got dumped that I realized the problem. I accepted the blame in our relationship too much. I often walked on eggshells around my boyfriend, too. But I never confronted him for his misgivings because I was stupidly in love.
Consider Turning My Back On My Family And Friends
Another major cause of my fights with my first boyfriend was that he did not want me hanging out with my family, although I lived with them back them. Whenever we had family outings planned, he made me cancel at the last minute. If my friends asked me to meet them, he made me choose between him and my friends.
I will forever be ashamed to admit that I listened to my boyfriend most of the time. I did as I was told, disappointing my family and friends in the process. But then, he ghosted me in the end. I would never even consider leaving my loved ones behind for any man again.
Give Endless Chances
A year after my breakup, I had a second boyfriend. I had always known that he was a player, but I was a hopeless romantic – I assumed that his gigolo days were over.
Unfortunately, I caught my boyfriend texting some girl once. I forgave when he said that it was from an old fling who kept on bugging him. A few weeks later, my best friend saw him coming out of a bar with another woman in his arms.
When I confronted him, he said sorry, and I let it go again. The only deal-breaker for me was when that same woman called, claiming that she was pregnant with my boyfriend’s child.
At that point, I genuinely blamed myself. I thought, “If I left that guy the first time he tried to cheat on me, I would not have been this brokenhearted.” But things already happened – all I could do was learn from it.
Remain In Hiding
My third boyfriend was unique. He had been divorced for four years and shared custody for his seven-year-old son with his ex-wife. I did not think I would fall for a divorcee – much less a dad – but his looks, intelligence, and kindness were all swoon-worthy.
After a couple of months of dating, my boyfriend said that his ex-wife found out that he was seeing someone new (me). I was like, “So? You’re a free man now.” But he said, “She is bipolar; her mental health condition is delicate. I hope it’s okay if we stop dating in public places for a while.”
Again, I was stupidly in love, so I agreed to hide our relationship for six more months. I merely got fed up with our setup when we were grocery shopping one time, and the ex-wife happened to be in the same store. My boyfriend left our cart and dragged me to the car, saying that we should stay there until the woman was gone. It made me feel cheap, as if I was a mistress that he needed to hide. I left him on the same day and never answered his calls or texts.
The last thing that I learned not to do ever since my first heartbreak – and managed to apply when my other relationships ended – was to avoid crying over the men who hurt me. Of course, I was hurt. I wanted to hurl curses at them and make them feel my pain. But then again, I just told myself that they lost more than I did.
I was – and am still – not a damsel in distress. I make my own living; I don’t ask for anything from anyone. If those guys couldn’t appreciate me, that’s their problem.